College is the time to meet new people. Connections blossom from having class together, going out, clubs and more. You learn what you do and don’t like about others; you learn things about yourself. I have gathered rather quickly and annoyingly, I despise friendships with men.

The discussion of heterosexual male and female friendships often gets a bad rap, and rightfully so – more specifically, men being friends with women. Even more specifically, young college-aged men being friends with young college-aged women. Sound, platonic relationships are intrinsically good as they are a person to confide in, trust and laugh with – a relationship absent of romance. However, there’s a trend: young men love to make more out of a friendship with a woman than there truly is, more romance than there truly is.

I, a college-aged girl, once had a college-aged male friend. He was funny, genuine and an all-around good guy. Imagine how hurt I was when I found out he was saying the most inappropriate things about me over a video game chat. Another friend of mine told me about it. It was a hard thing to hear, yet it was necessary. I had given no romantic hints and expressed no sense of attraction to him. I scoured our old texts and over-thought every interaction we had.

I can confidently say that, without a single doubt, I never said or did anything that would give him that impression. He had completely fabricated a world in his head where I was head over heels for him. The feelings were unjustified, and I felt disgusted. I had confided in him about certain personal issues as he did with me as well. To think that all the conversations we had were under the pretense of romance felt calculated and disingenuous.

How are boys completely ignorant of the notion of a genuinely platonic relationship with a girl? The University of Wisconsin conducted a study inviting 88 pairs of one heterosexual male and one heterosexual female undergraduate students to answer questions separately and confidentially about their intentions in friendships. Results concluded that women were typically not attracted to their male friend, yet men exhibited intense clear romantic intentions for their friendship’s future. Research also found that men often believed that romantic interest was mutual while women, with their lack of attraction toward their friend, believed the lack of romantic interest was mutual.

These feelings are not real. Maybe they’re wishful thinking, maybe delusion. The study done by the University of Wisconsin shared that the feelings of romance exhibited by men towards their female friends was almost entirely of their own creation and had nothing to do with how their female friend truly acted towards them. There is no “playing hard to get” or “playing the long game.” Female friends just want to be friends.

I don’t believe men to be evil or intrinsically perverse, but society has grown to adore the friends-to-lovers trope. The movies are wholesome, the music is sweet, but through social media, young people have not properly learned how to navigate a world where we see a million people of the opposite sex every single day. Compared to a screen, personal interaction seems fresh and comforting. Attention does not always equal attraction. Conversation does not equate to flirtation.

Continuously making misjudgments and mistakes is okay in a world where constructive communication is dying. After attempts of heterosexual friendships, I can say confidently they are not worth the trouble. The hurt and drama that comes from having to reject someone who you thought you could trust as a friend outweighs the desire to be in any platonic relationship with males. This is not to support or deny a stereotype given to men as being manipulative or vexatious, and it is not to call women ignorant or naive to another’s feelings about them. Two people can experience the same relationship in utterly different ways. I believe the difference unfortunately brings nothing but disappointment and strife.