What does it mean to be a “girl’s girl?” Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find the definition in the Oxford English Dictionary, so we’ll have to settle with the Urban Dictionary definition: “A girl who has respect for female etiquette. A girl who is not petty and strives to be ethical and decent in her dealings with her female friends.” Not a bad definition, but I think it’s a subjective concept.
My friend Kumba, who is also one of our photography editors at The Hofstra Chronicle, recently asked me what I’m doing to celebrate Women’s History Month. I never do anything to celebrate or recognize Women’s History Month, other than say “in Women’s History Month?” when I don’t get what I want. But her question got me thinking about what I can do to celebrate the women in my life. And then, I started thinking how I normally celebrate the women in my life.
I’d like to say I celebrate my girls by being a girl’s girl, but on my terms. Some people may not think I’m a girl’s girl, and some may not be girl’s girls themselves – because it’s subjective.
In my terms, it’s pretty simple. I treat my friends with the respect, kindness and support that I hope to receive – you get as much as you put in. When we were taught about the “golden rule” in elementary school, our teachers had the right idea.
The biggest thing for me is celebrating the achievements of the women around me, regardless of where their achievement falls. If we’re going for the same position and they get it over me, it’s still a win for me because it’s a win for my friend.
My best friend Allison has been getting accepted into a ton of amazing (and I mean really amazing) graduate programs. Every acceptance she gets feels like I’m getting one too. She’s in the mathematics field, so her version of success is different from mine, and that’s what makes it so exciting. I am ecstatic for her because I’ve watched her grow and work hard for the past three years of knowing her – she truly deserves it.
When a friend gets into a new relationship, I understand the attention that goes to their new partner and the potential for a cut back on time with me. A friend who is in a happy relationship with a partner they can’t be apart from should be a victory for me, too! I know my girls supported me and were incredibly understanding when I got into my long-term relationship and became glued at the hip with my partner. In fact, they got close to my boyfriend and started including him in a lot of activities.
That brings me to my next point: boundaries. None of my friends have crossed boundaries with my boyfriend. They’re close with him, but don’t step over the line of anything that would make me uncomfortable. I’d like to say I do the same. It’s not because you shouldn’t, it’s because you wouldn’t. It shouldn’t be a conscious effort, but rather effortless.
You have to consider how you act as a girl’s girl with girls you might not know or be all that close with. I don’t think you always need to take a girl’s side when she’s done something wrong. In fact, I think being a girl’s girl means correcting poor actions in a helpful manner.
Just because Amber Heard is a woman doesn’t mean you have to condone her actions – I don’t know, she was the only example I could think of. Be honest with your friends and the people around you.
More importantly, if you are in a group of people and notice a woman has lipstick on her teeth or toilet paper hanging from her shoe, tell her. There is a strategic way of doing this effectively. If possible, catch her at a moment she’s alone and quietly tell her, “You’ve got a little lipstick on your teeth, just wanted to help a girl out!” But do not (seriously, don’t) say it aloud in front of a group of people. They won’t think you’re nice for telling her, they’ll think (and she will too) that you’re trying to embarrass her.
If you can’t catch her alone, quietly, only loud enough for her to hear, tell her. And do not put your hand in front of your mouth to whisper it, because then the group will think you’re talking crap, or someone will feel excluded.
I know, there’s a lot of rules. I think they’re common sense, but you’d be surprised.
