Bathrooms are an integral part of our day-to-day lives. Whether you are going number one, number two or something in between, the bathroom you use can be the difference between a good day and a bad one. At Hofstra University, the quality of our bathrooms is highly variable, ranging from the good to the bad to the unremarkable. As such, we have taken the effort to catalog some of the most interesting bathrooms across campus so you know where to go the next time you have got to go.

Memorial Hall, basement, women’s:

There is no other way to say this, the bathroom underneath Bits & Bytes is a basement. From the constant layer of heat and humidity to the permanently dirty floor tiles, the whole bathroom feels just a bit uneasy.

The toilets also have permanent stains on them, but they work just fine. The automatic sinks and soap dispensers all work and, if you’re into antiques, the vintage hand dryers are just for you! There is no accessible stall inside this bathroom (that one is located down the hall), but there is a wheelchair accessible mirror. I certainly would not recommend this bathroom to a friend, but peeking at the “Keep Hofstra Beautiful” sticker before leaving is a delight.

Rating: 1/5: Ew.

Calkins, third floor, men’s:

If I had to use one word to describe the Calkins third floor men’s bathroom it would be “old.” This bathroom brings you back to an earlier time in Hofstra’s history. Everything from the curtain in place of a door for one of the stalls, the dingy lighting and the frat letters etched into the bathroom stalls bring users back to the ‘70s – when Calkins was first renovated from Hofstra’s gym into the building it is today.

Despite its age, this bathroom delivers a phenomenal experience. The dim lighting is quite soothing, the older feel is really charming and the low traffic makes it feel like you are entirely disconnected from everything else in the world.

Rating: 4/5: Worth checking
out.

Lawrence Herbert School of Communications (LHSC), first floor, women’s:

Despite being a journalism major for over a semester now and visiting the first floor bathrooms of the LHSC multiple times, I am still disoriented by floating voices whenever I enter. Sometimes, I hear two people having a conversation when no one else is in the bathroom, other times I hear music. I have learned that there are no ghosts, it’s just 88.7 WRHU playing far too loudly for such a small space.

Other than that, using this bathroom is a great experience. One of the two stalls is wheelchair accessible, they are both clean and the sink area provides lots of counter space to do your makeup before going on air.

Rating: 4/5: A ghostly pee.

Mason, first floor, men’s:

Mason Hall may be one of Hofstra’s most confusing buildings. It is old, has hallways that go nowhere and is strangely three-dimensional. Yet within this rickety building is – confusingly – one of Hofstra’s nicest bathrooms.

The Mason Hall first floor men’s room is the platonic ideal of a public bathroom. A spotless white motif, plenty of stalls and urinals and a massive mirror great for making sure you look presentable for your 9:40 a.m. class. The only real downside of this bathroom is traffic. Though you will rarely see more than one other person there at a time, users beware: the serenity you may be looking for could be ruined by a steady flow of others.

Rating 4/5: Generic and boring, yet classy and chic.

Hagedorn, first floor, women’s:

On the edge of campus in Hagedorn hall sits quite a geometric experience. This bathroom greets you with a minuscule room which is the width of the door that you entered through. Then you must walk through another door to immediately ask the question: “Why is it shaped like that?” Where you stand is the skinniest part of the bathroom; it gets wider as you walk, further creating a triangular peeing space with stalls on one side and sinks on the other.

A generous amount of natural light streams through the frosted window at the edge of the triangle, casting a calm glow over your bathroom experience. Being in the education building, future teachers can find practical uses of the Pythagorean theorem for their students to practice.

Rating: 4/5: Geometric and useful.

Library, second floor provost office, men’s:

This bathroom is hard to find, and unfortunately, now blocked off for anyone without swipe-card clearance. If you exit the elevator on the second floor of the library, there is a set of double doors at the end of a hallway to the right of the stair doors. Past those double doors is not only the provost’s and president’s offices, but also – and more importantly – one of the best bathrooms on campus. This single-stall, single-urinal bathroom is beautiful. Its facilities are always clean, and it is always well stocked with toilet paper and paper towels. This bathroom’s most impressive feature, though, is the wall of frosted glass which lets in the perfect amount of natural light while still maintaining user privacy.

Rating 5/5: A must-visit for any Hofstra student.

Library, basement, gender neutral:

The gender-neutral bathroom in the basement of the library is a great place to be alone for a while. No one will disturb you as you sit on the throne of the oddly large and hot room. Despite its tendency to make you feel like you are incubating, the bathroom is a perfect place to “rest” between classes. It is clean and all the facilities work perfectly. There is a lot of room if you need to do a couple cartwheels before zooming to your next engagement.

Unfortunately, if you are planning to spend an extended period of time in the bathroom and are prone to boredom, there is no service here. Do not worry, you are in the library; just grab a book before you go in.

Rating 4/5: A comfortable rest stop.

McEwen, second floor, gender neutral:

Hofstra students will rarely – if ever – have class in McEwen Hall. It fades into the background, yet within this unremarkable building is the gender neutral bathroom to rule out all gender neutral bathrooms.

This single-toilet bathroom is massive. In fact, it is bigger than my dorm. Beyond its size, the decorative wall tile is also a massive plus. Within the grid of wall tile, two lines – one at hip level and the other a little above eye level – are arranged in a rainbow pattern circumscribing the whole bathroom. This little detail adds just enough color to make the room pop and feel welcoming to any hesitant users. And being that this bathroom is in McEwen, the low foot traffic guarantees peace while you do whatever you have got to do.

Rating 5/5: The LeBron James of bathrooms.