By T.J. Edouard
When desiring to be a celebrity, it is important to realize your life will be in the public eye. What you say and do will become the focal point of millions of people, including children who look up to you-and those who loathe you. Normally, this would mean you’d do your best to present yourself in a righteous, humble and respectful manner. Of course, celebrities seem to do the exact opposite.
Your past can become a factor in your presentation, just ask Vanessa Hudgens. I know Disney did “forgive” her for the naked picture scandal, but with her excuse, should she be forgiven? I find it hard to believe she took the nude photos for Drake Bell, as rumors suggest. Even if I could take the stretch as a convincing reason for nude pictures, didn’t Disney understand her intentions and what she is suggesting? And they still want her for “High School Musical 3”? However, that debacle isn’t as bad as the pariah that is Britney Spears.
Britney’s album debuted at number two on the Billboard charts this month. That means someone who is reading this bought the CD. Now, can we stop and think for a moment? This is the same woman who flashed her crotch several times on camera. She lost her kids to Kevin Federline, which is almost hilarious if it wasn’t so true. When she does actually get her kids on a weekend, she leaves them in a car with the court-appointed monitor to go chandelier shopping. The MTV Video Music Awards rehearsal tapes starring her stand-in show us what her classic VMA performance would have looked like if she stopped sipping frappuccinos and learned the choreography. Speaking of her consumption habits, who goes grocery shopping at the gas station? Does she buy gas just to go home from the gas station? Or are her random errands just a need for attention? Can’t you see that’s all she wants: attention and money, and thank you for “Givin’ Givin’ More.” As long as we enable her to do the things she does, then all we will get is “…more, more, more!” It seems everyone that comes in contact with Paris Hilton ends up with a similar fate.
Paris Hilton was spotted with red lipstick all over her teeth. I say it was blood, because, in reality, Paris is a vampire. Seriously, look at everyone she has bitten. Nicole Richie is pregnant, and, according to the New York Post, smoking during her pregnancy. She denies this, of course, but who believes her? Okay, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, but this doesn’t change the fact she looks like a food-deprived child attempting to steal a watermelon in her tube-top. She was spotted buying goldfish around Halloween. I say it was dinner. Maybe the goldfish was dinner and leftovers at her eating rate. Another Paris sired was Lindsey Lohan. Remember the old Lindsay with her non-rhyming songs that sounded like an alley-cat chorale? She was so sweet with her red hair and freckles, acting in teen movies that all seemed to have the same plot. Now, she looks like an Easter Peep with her orange, sprayed-on tan and blonde hair. She should come to Hofstra-she’d fit right in. She is also dating some guy she met in rehab. She should have borrowed a hint from Amy Winehouse and told him “No, no, no!” But, instead, we have their imminent break-up to look forward to. I think Paris should hang out with Jennifer Lopez next. They can discuss why Paris’ self-titled album managed to outsell J-Lo’s measly 53,000 copies of “Brave” by 20,000. Or maybe they can discuss how obvious it was that J-Lo was pregnant. Nobody was in shock when she finally admitted it. When I heard she finally announced it, I was too glad I survived “2 girls and 1 cup” to even care. After that video, I realized I’ve seen it all.
T.J. Edouard is a sophomore film student. You may e-mail him at [email protected].