By Maggie Biunno

In C.V. Starr:

Guy: Yeah, I’m pretty happy with how the test went. I think I got only 20 wrong out of the 55 questions, which gives me the 80.

On the way to class:

Girl on cell phone: I’d like to pay by credit card. The name is Kelly ******* and the card number is 4264 **** **** ****. The security code? Oh, yeah, it’s 250.

In art class:

Professor: Most girls like going to Tiffany’s-I just go to Pearl.

In AVF class:

Professor: Commercials are put on the Food Network to suit the audience that watches it.

Guy: I disagree. They have a commercial where there are kids saying, “Mom, dad, I want to talk about sex. I want to wait until marriage.” And that’s bull****, because the only reason I watch the Food Network is so I can cook for a woman, and therefore, get laid.

On the unispan:

Girl on cell phone, walking toward the dorms: No, you ‘tard, I’m not in my dorm, I’m in class.

On the unispan:

Guy: (shouting) Hold up! (pause) I was sober.