By Anthony Voelpel

I think I may have discovered a great new drinking game for Notre Dame fans from around the country; Every time the Irish punt or turnover the football, you chug a beer. I guarantee you’ll be more hammered than you’re alcoholic uncle on Thanksgiving. And when you’re hungover by halftime and forget the Irish are as horrible as they are, you’ll thank me later. If you’ve been unfortunately watching the same Fighting Irish football team that I’ve been watching the past three weeks, you can’t help but to laugh, literally. NBC is getting closer to becoming the new Comedy Central each time Notre Dame takes the field. And to think Mike Hart guaranteed a victory over the Irish last week. Ha, that’s like NBA all stars guaranteeing victory over the local wheel chair team. I’m not even a ND fan and they make me cringe up like a slug covered in salt. Just how bad are the Irish you ask? Well for starters, they’re the only team in the nation that hasn’t scored an offensive touchdown yet. That’s right, 180 minutes without giving thanks to Touchdown Jesus. They’ve been outscored 102-13 in their first three games of the season and their schedule doesn’t get any easier, they still have to play Duke! They’re on a five game losing streak dating back to last season, when USC crushed them in the coliseum and LSU embarrassed them in the Sugar Bowl (a bowl game in which they had no right playing in to begin with). Never in my life have I seen such a storied program look this dismal. Usually after tough losses, teams tend to bounce back and make some kind of effort to show improvement. This is certainly not the case for Charlie Weis’ squad. Instead of taking a step forward, they’re taking 10 steps back. The Irish are averaging less than zero rushing yards per game and have gotten progressively worse with each contest. But thank God Ty Willingham was fired so Charlie Weis could start his dynasty. If it weren’t for Willingham’s players (Brady Quinn, Jeff Samardzija and Darius Walker to name a few) Choo Choo Charlie might be winless in South Bend. It seemed like Landing hot shot freshman Jimmy Clausen was going to be the answer for the Notre Dame faithful, guess again. You’ll have to wait at least until next year to see him payoff and even by then he might have severe brain damage (he’s already been sacked 15 times in two games). To make matters worse, the defense is more putrid than the offense (if that’s even possible). Honestly, Notre Dame will be lucky if they end the season with three wins. Just thinking about their midseason match up against USC is making me more gitty than an eight-year-old school girl. The gold on the Notre Dame helmets is starting to rust. It’s impossible to predict what the future has in store for the Irish but the forecast calls for flooding (of losses that is). And remember, any time you’re feeling low and need an immediate remedy to your problems, look up at the sky and thank God you’re not a Notre Dame football fan. If you are an Irish faithful, well, keep playing that drinking game. Quick hits from around the country: I warned you about Andre Woodson and the Wildcats. Not only did they knock off No. 9 Louisville, but they did so in heart-wrenching fashion. Woodson threw for 275 and four TD’s en route to one of the biggest wins in Kentucky history. Florida’s annihilation of Tennessee on Saturday was a scary sight for other teams around the country. Dropping 59 points on the Vols is almost impossible and they made it look so easy. And I completely forgot to add Tim Tebow’s name on my Heisman list last week. He’s one of the premier talents in the land. Watching Auburn lose two weeks ago at home to South Florida was shocking. But to see the team drop another home game against Miss State was mind-blowing. I can almost smell the firetommy.com T-shirts. Two freshman names for you to remember from the Big East (if you don’t already know): West Virginia’s Noel Devine and Pittsburgh’s LeSean McCoy. Both had huge games this past week. Devine is averaging just over 15 yards per rush and McCoy is dropping just under seven yards per. Just goes to show the talent pool in the Big East rivals any conference. Must see games this weekend: No. 17 South Carolina at No. 2 LSU-Never underestimate the power of the Ol’ ball Coach. Washington at UCLA-Huge bounce back week for each team. No. 12 Penn State at Michigan- You remember the last time the Lions went to the big house don’t you?

Charlie Weis will have plenty of explaining to do if his Fighting Irish continue spiraling downward. (MSNBC.com)