By Ed Morrone
If each NFL team last week were a blanket, then the Jaguars, 49ers, Colts, Bears, Ravens and Broncos wouldn’t have been able to keep a homeless man warm in December. All six of these teams cost me wins last week because they failed to cover the spread in their respective games. And so I am off to yet another terrible start, and even though I haven’t been as bad as my record would indicate, I’ll offer up this promise: if yours truly doesn’t have a winning Week 3, then I’ll walk away. I enjoy writing this column more than anything, but it deserves to be written by someone who isn’t making themselves look like a complete and utter tool. So there you have it—my chips are pushed into the middle of the table, I’m all-in. It’s win or go home for this guy. Onto the picks…
GAME OF THE WEEK
Dallas (2-0) +3 at Chicago (1-1)
Yes, the Bears were underwhelming on offense in Week 2 against an awful team (Kansas City) and had to rely on Devin Hester to win them the game. But, the way I see it, everyone is praising Tony Romo for being the next Golden Boy in Dallas when the two teams he’s beaten are the Giants and Dolphins. So excuse me if I don’t get up and offer a hearty applause. Let’s see how pretty Romo looks after a bout with Brian Urlacher and company.
Pick: Bears
BEST BET
Carolina (2-0) -4 at Atlanta (0-2)
On behalf of all three of our best bet’s last week, Thank You Bengals! I feel horrible I picked that one wrong, but probably not as horrible as their defense is. So I figure if you need to bounce back, go against whomever the Falcons are playing. Byron Leftwich probably won’t play until at least Week 4, so another week of Joey Harrington + good Carolina offense – Michael Vick = win for Atlanta’s opposition.
Pick: Panthers
THE REST
Arizona (1-1) +8 at Baltimore (1-1)
Will the Ravens lose this game? Probably not. But after watching them almost lose to a guy named Kellen, I have my doubts that the can cover a spread larger than a touchdown. Plus, Dennis Green no longer coaches the Cardinals, so they shouldn’t lose by 25.
Pick: Cardinals
Buffalo (0-2) +16.5 at New England (2-0)
Bill Belichick is a cheater, yes, but he still does have Tom Brady. And Randy Moss. And Wes Welker. And Laurence Maroney. You get the picture. New England beat San Diego by 24, so sorry Buffalo, but I’m not worried.
Pick: Patriots
Detroit (2-0) +6.5 at Philadelphia (0-2)
My complete and utter disdain for the Eagles has been overshadowed by the Phillies being awesome and making the Mets look like fools. The Eagles can’t beat anyone by a touchdown now because they can’t score them.
Pick: Lions
Indianapolis (2-0) -6 at Houston (2-0)
Considering Indy totally screwed me last week by not covering against Tennessee (what?), I’m tempted to go with Houston. But Houston does not have Andre Johnson and should never ever be 3-0.
Pick: Colts
Miami (0-2) +3 at N.Y. Jets (0-2)
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawnnnnnn. Oh, excuse me, I was tired from staying up all night with excitement for this game. Right. Pick: Jets
Minnesota (1-1) +2.5 at Kansas City (0-2)
This might be Kansas City’s best (and perhaps only) chance to win a football game this season.
Pick: Chiefs
San Diego (1-1) -4.5 at Green Bay (2-0)
Yo, San Diego, what on earth was that on Sunday night? If they lose this game then Norv Turner is officially the most hated person in California.
Pick: Chargers
San Francisco (2-0) +9 at Pittsburgh (2-0)
I don’t know what the deal with Pittsburgh is. It seems that they are either always playing at home, or if they aren’t at home they are playing a terrible team on the road. Maybe God is a Steelers fan? If that’s the case, maybe I’ll give atheism a try. Either way, San Francisco should be able to give them a game. Pick: Niners
St. Louis (0-2) +3.5 at Tampa Bay (1-1)
If Jeff Garcia takes Tampa to the playoffs and the Eagles continue to lose, Andy Reid better find a good place to hide. I’m counting on you, Rams.
Pick: Rams
Cincinnati (1-1) +3.5 at Seattle (1-1)
The reason Cincinnati always seems to go 8-8 is because they alternate each week between playing great (week 1 against Baltimore) and playing horrible (last week). Time for Chad Johnson to prove my theory.
Pick: Bengals
Cleveland (1-1) + 3 at Oakland (0-2)
Brady Quinn will have his Derek Anderson voodoo doll out for this one.
Pick: Raiders
Jacksonville (1-1) +3 at Denver (2-0)
Denver has what looks like a fantastic offense, but should be 0-2. Are we sure that isn’t Jake the Snake wearing a Jay Cutler jersey under center?
Pick: Broncos
N.Y. Giants (0-2) +4 at Washington (2-0)
I don’t know what’s more painful: seeing Brett Favre destroy the Giants on the road and realizing this is not 2000, or the thought of Washington being 3-0. I’m going with the latter.
Pick: Redskins
Tennessee (0-2) +4.5 at New Orleans (0-2)
Are you ready for some football? The Monday night party?!? It’s Vince Young and the terrible Titan offense against the listless Saints all on Monday night!
Pick: Saints
Expect Brian Urlacher to be licking his chops if the Cowboys’ Tony Romo comes to town overconfident. (Scout.com)