By Anna Aphrodesia
The beginning of summer is filled with the promise of new possibilities. If you are in a relationship, the summer provides a chance to start fresh and not stress about school. If you are single, the prospect of a summer fling (or flings) beams on the horizon.
But what happens when your relationship or fling sizzles out with the summer sun?
The bottom line is, as with any breakup, that it sucks, having experienced it firsthand. Even if you are the one ending things, your life is still affected and you may question whether you made the right decision.
Unless you have certain parts of your mind erased, as in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” you inevitably will be reminded of your ex. It may be a song, a place, pictures or even an outfit that brings you back, but those feelings will lessen with time.
The downside about time is that you have to wait. In the meantime, there is plenty to do to deal with a breakup.
Drowning your sorrows in ice cream or alcohol, however tempting it may be, is not the solution. Start by picking up the book, “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.”
This book has been passed around among friends and, while it may seem cheesy, it will make you laugh. Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt co-wrote this self-empowering guide. They will become your “Breakup Buddies.” The couple share their own horror stories and provide a set of commandments for getting over an ex.
Cutting off contact for 60 days, the first commandment, may seem a bit extreme, but sources have told me that it helps. Since you are no longer with the ex, unnecessary contact is just that-unnecessary.
Start by deleting his or her number from your phone. Even if you know it by heart, it is better that it is not there at all. While it may be tempting to text or call, it is not worth it.
Next, remove the screen name from your buddy list. Incessantly checking away messages will not make you feel better.
Finally, for the Facebook fiends, change your settings to show fewer stories about them. You could also un-friend them completely, but if you are working on eventually being friends, that is not a good first move.
Another useful tip my friend recommends is making a playlist of breakup songs. Not the sappy songs, but the ones that make you laugh. Favorites include “The Hardest Part of Breaking Up…” by 2Gether and “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child. Being able to laugh it off and move on is key.
Getting closure is crucial, but it should be on your own terms-needless to say, it is best to get it done for yourself. It is not your responsibility to deal with things when your ex feels ready to talk, especially if you have already moved on.
While these tips are helpful, there will still be times when the breakup will get the best of you.
The best advice I ever received came from a hairdresser. His theory is that you are the center of your universe. Your friends and family are like the moon and stars, giving you balance in your life. Some people are like shooting stars, very beautiful and breathtaking, but they can’t stay in your world because they are meant to fly. Other people are like comets and they crash into you, leaving craters.
In the end, whatever the forecast may be, it is all about you. You will go through the good and the bad, but you need to do whatever makes you the happiest, because sometimes, it’s okay to be selfish.
