By Anthony Voelpel

So you think your life is tough huh, well try this on for size: drive to Bethpage State Park, camp out in your car, get an hour of sleep (if you’re lucky), wake up and pay to play a golf course so demanding and difficult, your mother won’t be able to recognize you when your done. A course that will leave you more mentally drained than that post-SAT feeling you had back in high school. Because there will be no reservations today, if you want to play the Bethpage Black course, you’ll have to get on it the Bethpage Black way.

If you’re a golfer on Long Island, Bethpage Black is the Madison Square Garden of golf courses; the mecca if you would. Tiger Woods called it the hardest and best par 70 course he’s ever played. He was the only player who managed to semi-tame the Black at the 2002 U.S. Open. It is so complicated that it sports a warning sign next to the first tee box. It’s like paying someone 50 bucks (the in-state greens fee) to kick your butt.

Its condition is uncanny. You can eat lunch off the fairways and the greens are as hard and smooth as the ceramic tiles you would find at the Armani mansion. The sand in the bunkers is so white you’d think they imported it from the finest beaches of the Caribbean. Even if you’re not a golf fan, its beauty is so overwhelming to the point where you’ll lose your breath just looking down the 18th fairway.

There’s only one problem with the black however; and that’s actually getting to play it. You can forget about reservations as you’ll have a much better chance landing a dinner date with the Queen of England. There will be no sneaking on the Black as that would be about as unsuccessful as sneaking a sunrise past a rooster. The only real way to get on the Black is to sleep over.

All kidding aside, you literally have to go to the course a day early and stay there until the next morning when the tickets and bracelets are handed out, roughly around 4:30am. No where else in America does one have to sleep over a golf course in order to play it. (If you’re not familiar with golf, on a normal course you can sign up and tee off within the hour, but not Bethpage and certainly not the Black). The car line forms in a parking lot adjacent to an old graveyard (which tends to scare the bajesus out of most at night, or only me) about 200 yards from the clubhouse. Each car that enters backs into a spot and doesn’t move until they receive their bracelets. If you’re thinking about leaving and getting food, well then, you just lost your spot. Sorry, but Bethpage isn’t one for the weak.

Some come in Winnebagos and some come in hatchbacks. Some come from Florida, while others come from the other side of the Atlantic, seriously. It’s no surprise it’s one of the top rated public golf courses in the world. Just make sure the weathers going to be good, otherwise it’s going to be another sick day for you at work.

What you do during the course of the evening usually differs from the crowds that are present. While some nights are reminiscent of Aerosmith concerts (OK, maybe not as wild), others are like a peaceful orchestra recitals. But have no worries as there’s plenty of music playing, story telling and beer drinking to fill up the average golfers’ soul. I’m usually the guy telling the rookies where to hit shots and which way the greens roll, you know typical golf advice a 22-year old would give a 50- year old. But no matter how you go about your night, you must make sure don’t break the cardinal rule of Bethpage; never play the black hung-over (I actually made that rule up myself). It can be the single biggest mistake a golfer can make in their life, trust me.

So when morning comes and you make it past the warning sign and onto the first tee, be sure to take it all in because that’s about where your golfing paradise ends and where you’re nightmare begins. Now how’s that for a tough life?