Planning events is a part of college. Getting involved with something you care about, finding other people to share in it and then presenting your mutual passion with others over a plate of brownies or a pizza…all in the hope that you can increase your small support group even more.

So imagine our surprise when the one office most crucial in planning college events-Events Management-has proven to be the least helpful of all.

Over the last two weeks, we attempted to plan an event recruiting writers for our publication. But this was not to happen. We filled out paperwork, ran around for signatures, found rooms and chose furniture. All this only to get a call saying that our chair arrangement did not make sense and could we come and clarify; no phone explanation would be accepted. By Monday, there were only three days left and Events Management put into effect their rule of only planning programs 10 days in advance.

But not to fear, we persevered. The following week, we filled out new paperwork, got new signatures and tried to submit a second request. We were denied. In the end, we resigned to using our own office and alleviating all contact with this dreaded seventh circle of hell. But here’s what we learned from our journey into the Hades of Hofstra:

Do not ask Events Management about available rooms. There exists a database so exclusive only a privileged few have access to its wonder. When filling out the paperwork, students are asked what rooms they want. Wouldn’t it make sense to know what is still available before choosing? According to their front desk, if your top three choices are already booked, “you’ll just get a classroom.” But having an event in a miscellaneous classroom is basically an invitation to spend the evening alone. Why can’t we know what’s still free?! Allowing students access to the information of un-booked venues would make the process much more efficient.

Turning in paperwork does not mean anyone’s heard of it. The Office of Events Management requires several signatures in order to approve an event. Though we’ve never actually seen this happen, the myth lives on. Signatures take time and effort to acquire. Not only is a club contact required, but a faculty adviser and an administrator in the Office of Student Leadership and Activities must also sign. After running around campus getting your forms autographed like a crazed teenager at a Jo Bros concert, your paperwork might simply be lost. Supposedly, the obsessive approval is so OSLA can add your event to their calendar as well. Yet no such calendar actually exists. Maybe because…

You should never expect one office to know what another office is doing. Although Catering Services, Audio/Visual, Events Management, OSLA and Hofstra USA should all be in constant contact with each other, speaking to one department never ever means another department will hear about it. As one student planning a large-scale campus charity event put it, “The fact that [Events Management] told me my booking was tentative because somebody in [Hofstra] USA might have a post-it saying it’s already booked is ridiculous.” A comprehensive calendar would be nice, but it can’t happen until Events Management picks up the phone and contacts someone outside their hellish office for a change.

Booking online is entirely worthless. Something that seems like a wonderfully streamlined idea is completely futile as no one ever checks room requests made on the web. Sure it sounds nice, but at the end of the day, no one has read it, seen it or even heard about you. Might as well have spent that time playing Snood. It’s difficult to believe that an office who won’t even accept phone communication would attempt to go the e-route.

Most of the front desk attendants are wholly unpleasant. You will be treated rudely for doing anything wrong on form.

That being said, there are a few anointed folks on campus for whom the pearly gates of Events Management heaven open wide. But we were not lucky enough to fall on that list and you most likely won’t be either. As a result, you should probably start booking a month ahead of time. In fact, just book a room now for next May-worry about the actual program later.