By Alana Pelosi

Election season is a bit like any major sporting event, no? It comes down to two sides and there is a ridiculous amount of hype leading up to it. Even t-shirts and buttons are sold. When it is over, there is coronation of the MVP and the fans of winning side boast about the victory for a bit. As the results were coming in, it finally hit me. Barack Obama is not the Roger Goodell of America, he is the Eli Manning. After all, caring about the commissioner of a major league sport is like caring about Nancy Pelosi. For those of you who could stomach the Eli analogy or even know who Nancy Pelosi is, look at this way: He’s young, not the most experienced, was a bit of a dark horse at first (no pun intended) and he still managed to get his team the win. After that epiphany, it got me thinking; wouldn’t leagues work so much better if they had a president? Coaches could lobby and fans could vote about weighty matters such as lowering ticket prices and beer still being sold later in the game. Here’s a little taste of potential ballots:

Football: As previously mention, Eli Manning would make a solid candidate. He might be a little strapped in the running mate department with picks like Plaxico, but if Eli ever learned to form a coherent sentence, the NFL nation might be in good shape. Potential opponents would be Tom Brady (who would cheat), or Brett Favre, (who in the spirit of McCain, would be deemed too old).

Baseball: This would be a madhouse. The Yankees undoubtedly would endorse Derek Jeter, who would have the most donations and expensive campaign. Looking for change, those crazy liberals in Boston would try and scrape together a worthy candidate, but they have no one who could make it past primaries. Riding in a wave of victory, Phillies fans would be delighted to see Chase Utley make a run, not to mention the other candidates hiding in the woodworks.

Basketball: This is the one sport is way too chaotic for a democracy. Forget oligarchy or anarchy, I vote monarchy. Who better to sit on the throne than King James? The one potential downside would of course be that Cleveland would be the capital. For those students who have failed to look at a map, and that statistic is staggering, Cleveland is in Ohio. There is so much to be said about the state, and mainly I mean the people. Apparently, they are an extremely nice breed, but what if we all walked around spelling, N-E-W (pause) Y-O-R-K? Midwesterners never make any sense.

Hockey: Oooh, rough. The problem here is that I don’t know too many American players could be president. In this case, the league might be annex by Canada. Much to “Miracle” fans’ and the late Herb Brooks’ chagrin, it could be colonized by Russia. Sadly enough, no matter how much she looks out her window, I don’t think even Sarah Palin could stop that.