By Alana Pelosi

Sometimes, coming up with smartass, marginally funny and highly unnecessary criticisms can be exhausting. On one hand, kudos to “the system” for not doing anything so foolish as to be laughed at. On the other hand, maybe it is just that there is not enough to make fun of. Being that this is a collegiate press and therefore, we love to zero in on all things presumably “collegiate,” what better than Hofstra athletics? Women’s soccer, women’s tennis, field hockey all have records of .500 or above. I’m not sure how women’s golf or cross country works, but you betcha that in the spirit of Sarah Palin, you go girl! Men’s soccer and football, not so great, but here at The Chronicle we are not ones to criticize the performance of our athletes.

We very well know that thanks to Lackman delicacies and binge drinking at the friendly neighborhood saloon, we could not run a hundred yards without keeling over. Who are we to judge?

So without further ado, its back to the drawing board and this time, I think there may even be a solution. What Hofstra athletics needs are a few new sports! Oh and do the possibilities spring eternal.

Gymnastics- Why Hofstra does not have gymnastics team I have no clue. I truly think the students are being deprived. This may be the premier event in the Olympics! Who doesn’t go ape[expletive deleted] crazy over the sport? Who hasn’t gotten a little tipsy in their dorm and done a back flip or two on the bed?

Swimming- There’s a pool, but no swim team. Go figure.

Water Polo- This one’s at the bottom of the list, and for alphabetical purposes. It is mainly a west coast thing and it probably should be left to those crunchy California hipsters. For those curious, while it undoubtedly was started in Great Britain because they love their bizarre sports over there, I can tell you this much: it takes place in a pool, there is a ball and even a goalie. Soccer in water.

Crew and Ice Hockey are both on the fringe. Sure, they are club sports, but why not take it to a new level? For the minority of WASPs and “Miracle” fanatics around campus, they must be losing sleep.

Sure, sure there was that debate a few weeks ago to really put Hofstra on the map, but just imagine a NCAA water polo title. Oh, the possibilities.