By Jillian Sorgini

In class:Professor: We’ll come back to that point, because you’re standing on the tip of an iceberg made entirely of frozen human waste.

In residence hall elevator:Smoke-free days, you know who does that? Vaginas.

Bill of Rights lobby:…She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “you know, you have a beautiful back.”

In Hammer lab:Girl #1: You removed gifts, but not LOLcats?Girl #2: I don’t know what you are talking about, LOLcats are the sh**-they really make you laugh out loud.

On the unispan:Boy: I’ll put coke in this pocket and then I’ll sit on it and make crack.

In Axinn Library:Girl: I don’t know what she was thinking friend-ing me on Facebook. What could she possibly think we have in common, besides the fact that we both breathe in oxygen.

Student Center:Girl: I mean they’re all like ‘let’s save the world,’ but let’s not be weird now.

In the girl’s bathroom:Girl #1: F*** menstruation! Ugh seriously, it can’t decide whether to be heavy or light, then it stops, but then it comes back.Girl #2: Well you can’t f*** during menstruation anyway.

Student Center:Guy: Yeah, I’ve never had balls in my face for three hours before.

In Hammer Lab:Girl #1: What is the face he’s making?Girl #2: Sex.

In Breslin:Student: She gives me the heebie jeebies. Especially because she was wearing a cross and she’s Jewish. Britney Spears did all her crazy stuff while wearing the Star of David and she’s Christian.

In the gameroom:Student: Now instead of a penis-head, she’s a bush.

Around campus:Guy #1: Why are you talking to that gay kid?Guy #2: Oh, don’t worry, I just use gay men for drinks.

In a residence hall:Looking at a move-out flier.Girl: Who the hell takes the University furniture? ‘Oh yeah. I’m gonna take my desk because I love it so much.’

In bathroom:Girl: You just missed me peeing in the urinal.

In a residence hall:Guy: And then she laughed ’cause she knew she didn’t have AIDS-she just had a UTI.

In Kobricks:Guy: What do you want to do when you graduate?Girl: Well, I hope to be a diplomat someday.Guy: What’s a diplomat?Girl: Seriously?!Guy: Oh never mind…I know what you’re talking about. You’re good at talking to people and stuff. You’ll make a great Democrat!Girl: Diplomat.

In the Chronicle Office:Girl: I’m going to go home and change, then I’m goin to be on a street corner, making money.