By David Gibb and Nick Bond
Nick Bond: So, what’s the bigger story for this year’s playoffs…
Nick Bond: The Atlanta Hawks getting in or the GS Warriors not?
David Gibb: Well, the Warriors missing the playoffs in the West when they would have been the 4-seed in the East is big, but I think the Hawks being in is a much bigger story.
David Gibb: It simply outlines the worse-than-mediocrity of the Eastern Conference… it’s one of the signs of the basketball apocalypse.
David Gibb: That being said, I think they’re a better-run team than most of the Eastern teams that didn’t make the playoffs.
Nick Bond: Wait… wait… WAIT. Are you trying to imply that a team that 7 or 8 games under .500 doesn’t belong in the playoffs?
Nick Bond: I’m sorry, Dave.
Nick Bond: I thought this was America.
David Gibb: I don’t think a team should be eligible to win an NBA championship if they were unable to win more than half of their regular season games.
David Gibb: On the other hand, though, kudos to the Hawks.
Nick Bond: It ain’t worth winning if you can’t win consistently?
Nick Bond: No, but for serious, outside of the travesty that is the Dubs missing the playoffs, what do you think is going to be the biggest story of the playoffs?
Nick Bond: Do you see any possible upsets on the horizon?
Nick Bond: Any juicy story lines that have piqued your interest?
David Gibb: Well, I think the Nuggets have an opportunity to beat the top-seeded Lakers.
David Gibb: The only thing that would throw a monkey wrench in that storyline would be David Stern pulling a Roger Goodell and punishing Carmelo Anthony for his recent DUI arrest by suspending him in the playoffs…
David Gibb: Much like the major league screwjob the NBA put on the Suns last year.
Nick Bond: You mean when Amare Stodemire and Raja Bell illegally ran onto the court after Robert Horry accidentally bumped into Steve Nash?
Nick Bond: I think the Suns need to get over it.
Nick Bond: Which they will…
Nick Bond: When they are swept by the Spurs in this year’s playoffs.
David Gibb: If you think Robert Horry has ever made accidental contact with a player in his life, you have drank some serious San Antonio Kool-Aid.
David Gibb: If you really think the Spurs are sweeping the Suns, it must be something a little stronger than Kool-Aid… With Shaq, the Suns match up better against the Spurs than they ever have.
David Gibb: The defense is there now, both from the guards and big men…
David Gibb: And they still score like it’s their job.
David Gibb: Which, I guess, it is.
Nick Bond: Well, maybe the sweep was a bit of an exaggeration, but I don’t see them getting past San Antonio, in spite of their newfound defensive prowess.
David Gibb: I think it’s a coin flip… I would greatly prefer to see Phoenix make it out of the first round rather than Big Boring, though.
Nick Bond: I’ll tell you who I do see winning their series though.
Nick Bond: The Jazz.
David Gibb: Well, remember when I wrote that column that said that without Yao, the Rockets would miss the playoffs?
Nick Bond: Yes. Yes, I do.
David Gibb: I’ve changed my ways and now see them taking that series to 7 games.
Nick Bond: And then what happens?
David Gibb: Well, I think that Battier and Mutombo can put enough defensive pressure on the Jazz to turn their shooting big men into post players… Which they’re not.
David Gibb: So I actually like Houston.
David Gibb: With or without Yao.
Nick Bond: Well, I mean, I would say something about how I don’t trust your opinion on the Rockets, but I am the guy who predicted that the Tigers would win 95 games. And well… we all know what is going on there.
Nick Bond: So let’s see what we have so far: Nuggets over Lakers, Suns over Spurs, Houston over the Jazz.
Nick Bond: So that leaves… the Hornets.
Nick Bond: Who, I think we can both agree on this, are going to absolutely obliterate the Mavs. Even with a rejuvenated Dirk.
David Gibb: Couldn’t agree more. I don’t see that series going more than 5 games, honestly. I STILL don’t trust Dirk in the playoffs.
David Gibb: Even with Kidd, they’re still largely the same team who lost to Golden State last year.
David Gibb: So… Thoughts on the East?
Nick Bond: Oh, the East. The Frank Stallone to the West’s Sylvester, the Dom DiMaggio to the West’s Joe, the Charlie Murphy to the West’s Eddie…. actually… at this point I think more people know Charlie than Eddie, but you get what I’m saying.
Nick Bond: Which is that while there are some good things about the East (like the Celts, Pistons, and Magic) the West is just better from top to bottom.
David Gibb: Yeah. At this point I don’t think anybody would try to argue otherwise.
David Gibb: So, is it a foregone conclusion that there will be no first round upsets in the East?
Nick Bond: Well, I mean unless you consider Washington over Cleveland as a possible upset.
David Gibb: Well, I wouldn’t really call 5 over 4 an upset… I do, however, think that will be by far the best first round series in the East.
Nick Bond: Yeah, Hibachi Jamison and Butler vs. LeBron, et al.
David Gibb: I think that’s the one matchup in the first round that is guaranteed to be exciting.
David Gibb: In either conference.
David Gibb: A slam dunk thriller.
David Gibb: Pardon the pun.
Nick Bond: Who do you have winning that one, and why?
David Gibb: Well, if this were an election, I’d honestly say “too close to call.” I like the Wizards as a sentimental pick because of the way they stayed afloat with Gilbert and Caron both hurt throughout the season.
Nick Bond: But, deep down, you know LeBron is going to crush the hopes and dreams of the Wiz?
David Gibb: Well, if the entirety of LeBron’s supporting cast plays well, sure.
David Gibb: But if LeBron fares like the Griswolds and Wally’s World is closed, he’s out of luck.
Nick Bond: A National Lampoon’s Vacation reference… really?
Nick Bond: OK, well do we even need to talk about the other series?
David Gibb: Glancingly.
Nick Bond: Is there any reason to talk about Detroit versus Philadelphia?
David Gibb: Well, it’s interesting in the sense that it’s the end of one of the season’s best feel-good stories… But it’s definitely the end.
Nick Bond: What about Orlando versus Toronto?
David Gibb: As much as I like Chris Bosh and TJ Ford as human beings, I don’t see them making much noise in terms of basketball. Dwight Howard is Superman, after all, and Hedo Turkoglu has turned into Christian Laettner… but Laettner in college… not the pros.
Nick Bond: I am not going to even ask for a response about the Celtics vs. the Hawks, because that’s going to be worst beating since…
David Gibb: Johnson versus Goldwater?
Nick Bond: …Actually, I was thinking Reagan versus Mondale. But I suppose that works too. So, now all that is left is to grab some popcorn, get on a comfortable couch, and watch the two-month-long endurance trial that is the National Basketball Association Playoffs. May God help us through it.