By Lisa DiCarlucci
In an extreme display of the stage parent phenomenon, Vh1 recently premiered its new competitive reality show, “I Know My Kid’s a Star.” Hosted by Danny Bonaduce, the show involves ten pairs of wannabe child stars and their overly ambitious parents going head-to-head for the ultimate prize of stardom.
Not only must the child be talented, but the parents must also compete to prove that they would be able to effectively manage their child’s career so they won’t become the next drugged-out, knocked-up media starlet.
Bonaduce introduces himself to the competitors and announces that he’s trying to “find a package of America’s next top child-star and America’s least whacked-out parent.” Well, best of luck, because these parents pretty much take the cake when it comes to being whacked out.
Perhaps the pair that managed to make the biggest spectacle of themselves was Rocky and her seemingly indifferent daughter, Haley. Haley on her own is a really adorable girl. She’s got the face and viewers want to root for her. However, this changes upon meeting her mother, Rocky. She proudly proclaims, “I don’t care if they juggle fire from their butt, none of them got anything on my kid.”
Haley, on the other hand, is slightly disillusioned with her mother’s confidence. She just sits back and watches as her mother puts herself on display. One time, when Haley looks at Rocky, confused by her over-the-top behavior, Rocky simply responds by looking at her micro-miniskirt, asking, “What, is my tampon showing?”
The rest of the cast is quite special in their own right. On the child side of the spectrum there are characters like Gian, pronounced as “John,” who at first glance takes on a pretty ambiguous appearance, considering his effeminate facial features, flare for dancing and ponytail. The satin “V”-neck on his all-black ensemble gives him more cleavage than most ladies could ever dream of.
Then there’s cute, little McKenzie hailing from Baton Rouge, La., who is a cross between beauty pageant prodigy and straight-up country bumpkin. In her high-pitched, cheery tone she informs the audience that “Uh, squirrel and deer are pretty good.” And yes, she means for eating.
When it came time in the show for the kids to perform, the claws really came out, along with the off-key, stumbling, poorly costumed and overtly sexual song and dance routines. Perhaps the most entertaining performance of the night came from young Mary Jo, whose mother felt it was necessary to adorn her child in a hot pink wig and black beret to sing a Vanessa Carlton song. This is confusing, because the last time viewers checked, Vanessa was not a French poodle. Another notable performance was from spunky Alai, whose mother, GiGi, should be ashamed of choreographing a routine for her daughter that involved more gyrating than one might see at Dizzy’s on any given night.
At the final judging, the parents really had their egos handed to them. Even the judges who have seen the worst of show business were appalled at their behavior and attitudes. However, as appalling as it may be, this show is proof that watching humanity at its most extreme is always hilarious especially when it comes to stage mom and dads.