By Stephanie Caruso

2-4. Suicide bomber defined,-a.

The “suicide bomber” has no one to blame for his/her relationship faults but him-/herself. Although often unaware, they frequently find themselves in situations where they have a good chance for entering into a relationship. However, for either hang-ups on unrealistic goals, or for the problem of extreme lack of self-confidence, the suicide bomber often acts in ways that destroy any chance for finding a future mate. It is dangerous when coming across a suicide bomber because initial reaction is to blame oneself. The person attempting to get involved with the suicide bomber must always remember it is never their fault.

The car bomber may be the worst example, but the suicide bomber is definitely the saddest. John, my friend who has about as much self-esteem as a goldfish, doesn’t realize just how many girls would be with him if he only opened his eyes. Truthfully, it’s painful to watch. One particularly excruciating experience was when the girl he had feelings for actually liked him back.

In his screwed-up sense of reality, a girl like that could never be interested in a guy like him. He was so attached to his convictions that the girl finally gave up, thinking something was the matter with her.

The suicide bomber is a particularly dangerous mess to get involved with. There is little hope because there is not much one can do to change the mind-set of this person. John was too caught up in his faults to realize that there was a great girl out there who appreciated him for who he was. His crush ended up hurt because she did everything she could short of throwing herself at him to get John to realize that she had mutual feelings. The whole thing turned out to be devastating for all involved.

2-5 Blitzkrieg attacks defined,-a.

A “Blitzkrieg attack” occurs when an innocent bystander is harpooned by a long-time, distant crush. This crush, after an extensive period of absence, reappears into the life of the bystander. Through a series of lightning attacks, for instance seeing said crush multiple times over the course of a single weekend, the bystander is thrown into an emotional tailspin of feelings. However, as suddenly as the crush reappeared, he/she disappears yet again.

Nothing is worse than being harpooned by attacks when you’re at your most vulnerable point. Paul had spent a solid month without any contact from the ex-girlfriend (which was what she not-so-politely requested), and he was finally coming out of the cloudy weather. The cloudy weather is a tricky area to be in. On one hand, you’re protected from onset attacks. The Germans had a killer air force that pummeled its competition, but even the greatest air force of World War II couldn’t catch every victim in the cloudy weather. It was the pretense of the happy and clear sunny days that was the best time for target practice.

Paul’s exit from depression was the ex-girlfriend’s chance to zero in on her target. I had always warned him to ignore the text messages, but of course, who wants to listen to me?

The message came out of nowhere and there was no end in sight. A constant barrage of feelings and regret rained down so heavily that they created their own storm cloud. Paul got sucked in and taken for the ride. And like all successful Blitzkrieg attacks, this one was quick and full of pain.

She sent just sufficiently many messages to get her back in his good graces and then stopped. She left him to nurse his wounds while she flew off to find her next victim.

2-6 Code talker defined,-a.

A “code talker” likes to send cryptically coded information via text messages that is incomprehensible. These messages range from “I’m eating dinner right now,” to “I really like you,” which is followed by a week of silence. These code talkers are vital when on your side, however can prove to be fatal and have been known to cause mental insanity when working against you.

The text message is one of the worst inventions in modern history when it comes to the Love War. They make no one’s life easier and they only create agonizing pain. But I’m not bitter. Who should be bitter is Nancy. She found herself in a whopping 2-for-1 deal with a Trojan horse and a code talker.

The text message is just bad. Why do we put ourselves through the torture of waiting two hours for a response, when we know that if we just hit a different button we could have an actual voice-on-voice interaction with an instantaneous response.

I realize I speak of this as if I never use text messages but that would be a bold-faced lie. Of course I use text message. Of course I put myself through the torture I speak against. And of course I use the “code talk” to work for my own benefit. (Hey, no one ever said that we couldn’t use the Love War to our advantage).

The Americans used the Navajo language during World War II to offset any opponents listening in, it was a major method of defense. We also use the “code talk” as a method of defense. The “I’m eating dinner” text could be translated in two ways: An enemy would read, “I’m simply telling you what I’m doing, I want nothing more to do with you,” while an ally would interpret as, “I’m eating alone and want you here with me.”

Yes, this just creates more confusion when determining friend from foe, but in the battlefield of love, it’s sometimes necessary to play a little defense.

In the Love War, a Blitzkrieg Attack happens when a long-time crush or ex reappears with a flood of emotion and then disappears. (desktoprating.com)