By Silence Doless
Hello, fellow college crawlers! Today is a very special day. Why? Because you’re reading this column. Congratulations, you’ve made a wise choice.
And now to the subject of this week’s column, which is Mexico. Now, many people think of Mexico only as a spring break paradise complete with Corona, hookers and all the debauchery of the two combined, as well as being a damn fine place to build a 50-foot tall picket fence, seemingly to contain the debauchery (or at least to keep the neighbors from watching).
However, I have been fortunate enough to have traveled extensively past Cancún and through the heart of southern Mexico this past winter. After absorbing the culture, soaking in the landscapes, steeping in the history and other wet-sounding metaphors to describe dry-sounding information, I’m proud to say that those spring break people are nincompoops (Silence Doless: innovative social commentator). They don’t know the real Mexico; the Mexico of momentous, convention-defying and world-changing people. The Mexico where Miguel Hidalgo lead the fight for independence against the oppressive Spanish colonialists, where Frida Kahlo painted her world-renowned, socially revealing paintings and where Emiliano Zapata fought in the Mexican Revolution against a corrupt, pseudo-feudalist government. This is the true, pure essence of Mexico as exemplified by these fairly non-nincompoop-y people.
Yet, are there such people in Mexico today, you may ask? “Who are the contemporary Mexican heroes as chosen by an honest, truth-slinging reporter who’s experienced the country firsthand?” You definitely ask. Now, I could name many names here, such as the members of the Zapatista Army of National Liberation, but I won’t. As amazing as those people are, they don’t hold a candle to the man I’m about to name; a man who truly deserves the title of Mexican hero. Ladies and gentleman, that man isCapitán Frijoles (translation: Captain Beans).
For those of you not familiar, the good Captain is a masked avenger who, along with his valiant crew, commands a pirate ship hidden deep within the jungle-covered mountains near the Guatemalan border, only sailing down to towns and villages to spread his inspiring message of peace, justice, and beans. Unfortunately, these trips are few and far between as fully loaded pirate ships have a hard time sailing through thick jungle undergrowth. Yet somehow, he manages it. His principles are fundamental to the Mexican people, yet as is the case in many countries, most people are too scared to fight for them.
Not Capitán Frijoles. I had the honor of serving under the good Captain on one of his epic voyages down from the mountains. Ah, I still remember the first thing he said to me:
“Friegue la cubierta!” He yelled.
“What?” I asked.
“Friegue la cubierta!”
“What?”
“Usted dice el español?”
“What?”
“Ghaa! Corona? Hookers? Dee Botch?”
“Sí, sí!”
“Ah, inmigrante americano estúpido.”
“Come again?”
“English, yes? Scrub the deck! And don’t take my job.”
Those were good times. If there is ever police corruption in the streets of Mexico City, Capitán Frijoles is there to enforce justice. If there is ever violence in the foothills of Chiapas, he is there to help disarm. And if there is any plate of food in the entirety of Mexico without a side of refried black beans, he will wonder what country he’s in.
So yes, there is someone out there doing good, heroic things, and we can all learn from his example. I firmly believe that there’s a little bit of ol’ Capitán Frijoles in all of us. That side of each of us that will fight for what’s right no matter what.
But what can we, the collective student body of Hofstra University, do to bring that out? What will promote peace and justice in an innovative, commonsense way? I’m sure you can already see the obvious answer: a fifty-foot tall picket fence around campus. And let the mortar be made of beans (it’s Lackman, it’ll hold).