By Emily Rivard

In Class:

Girl: Whenever I have a crazy thought, I say it out loud in hopes that someone will hear it and submit it to the Chronicle.

On the Unispan:

Guy 1 (After girl tripping because of high heels): Good thing that didn’t happen around 3 P.M.

Guy 2: Ya, she would have been trampled like Mufasa

In Dutch Treats:

Guy: Put that back. I don’t support Pepsi. The logo totally looks like Obama’s logo.

In Class:

Professor: If you’re afraid of a jaguar, you should be afraid of a shark. A shark is like the jaguar of the sea: fierce.

In Class:

Girl: Psh, gosh, I could do really cool things if people were alive.

In Bits:

Girl: Don’t worry, I’m going to become a therapist, and then I’ll be able to therapeurize you.

At the gym:

Guy: It would be my pleasure to embalm you.

At the gym:

Guy: I was having sex with my girlfriend, and she screams out the name Rupert. I was like, ‘Who the hell is Rupert?’ She was talking about Stewie’s British teddy bear from Family Guy.

In class:

Student: Look at Kennedy; he was sleeping with everyone.

Male Professor: Not me.

Student: If he met you, he would have.