By Emily Rivard
In an elevator:Guy 1: Yo sorry to hear about your iPhone, man.Guy 2: I know. I can’t believe I lost it. Well, if the person who finds it looks at my photos, I’ll definitely never get it backGuy 1: Why?Guy 2: Well, you know, I got some explicit photos in there.Guy 1: Yeah, no one is going to return that.
In the Student Center on St. Patrick’s Day:Guy: Oh, look at all this multicultural food! I love ethnic days.
In the Student Center:Guy 1: You going to get a drink?Guy 2: No, I don’t believe in drinks.Guy 1: Oh I thought you believed in Life Water.Guy 2: I thought you were going to say God…because I don’t.
In Bits ‘n Bytes:Girl: It’s what I want to do on the side, like be a freelance critic. I just don’t know what I want to critic yet.
In Class:Guy: He has a desktop background with different pictures like a shrine for Juliet from LOST. (pause) And the picture changes every 5 seconds. She is staring at me.
In the WRHU studio:Guy 1: I’m trying to be a decent human being.Guy 2: Don’t try to be something you’re not.
At Subway in the Netherlands:Girl 1: What did you give up for lent?Girl 2: I gave up lent.
In the Student Center Theatre:Girl 1: Why does Edward Cullen have twinkle sound effects when he sparkles?Girl 2: Hell, if I sparkled like that I’d want sound effects too!Girl 1: You would.
Around Campus:Guy: Double-bagging: two thumbs down, even with condoms covering the thumbs.
In the Chronicle office:Guy: I’ve got some Velveeta at home, so when you come over, I’ll make you some Velveeta, baby. I’m a high roller.
Around Campus:Guy: Yeah, I’m Irish and from Boston. You wanna fight? You wanna go outside and stop at a pizza place first?
Around Campus:Girl: You’re lucky you’re pretty.
Around Campus:Guy: Seriously, this is what I do in class. I draw pictures of teddy bears hanging themselves.
In Chronicle Office:Guy 1: No, if I have a kid, he’s going to have fetal alcohol syndrome.Guy 2: Dude, I know a kid who has it, and he’s probably going to be dead by 25.Guy 1: Good, then I won’t have to worry about the kid growing up and becoming a deadbeat.