By Sara Kay

I’m not exactly what you would call a Valentine’s Day enthusiast.

Now before you go assuming that I’m one of those girls who are bitter ex-lovers, sworn to hate Valentine’s Day and all the ooey-gooey, “I love you” shenanigans that go along with it, wait a minute. Because that’s not me, baby.

I actually kind of like Valentine’s Day. I think even though it’s a Hallmark holiday, it has some value to it. You want to show somebody you care, just a little? Throw ’em some candy and a rose or two on good ol’ Valentine’s Day, and that should keep you on their good side.

On Valentine’s Days past, I’ve had good experiences, and then I’ve had other ones that were just uneventful all together. This past one however, was more of a learning experience than anything else.

The day before, I decided to do my own little experiment with the best part of the holiday: chocolate. I figured it would be interesting to see how different stores show off their Valentine’s Day “flair,” if you will.

I had a great plan; I would walk in, meander through the chocolate aisle, pick out something that looked the most delicious, purchase it and leave. I would make sure that I got a different type of chocolate at each location. I narrowed my buying locations down to three, so I could get a range of choices: Walgreens, CVS, and Godiva.

Walgreens was like walking onto the set of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, except I didn’t want any of it and there was no sign of Snozzberries or a creepy Johnny Depp. I walked over to the candy aisle, easy to distinguish, and I picked out a handsome little box of chocolates in a heart shaped box. I took a stroll down the rest of the aisle, admiring all the goodies, when I noticed a couple staring at me.

They were obviously whispering about me, to the point where it sounded as if one of them had sprung a leak. When I looked up, they just looked at me awkwardly and turned away, giggling slightly.

What was so funny about me? I was just minding my own business, picking out a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates for me to consume on my own…there’s no reason to…why is that so…

I then realized I had been branded, like a steer, with a tattoo of the word “single” on my butt.

I immediately put the chocolates back on the shelf and ran out. Screw that, I like CVS better anyway.

However, my fate was already sealed, because when I got to CVS and picked out the box of chocolates that I desired, somebody who worked there decided that my chocolate-choosing skills weren’t up to par, and she needed to assist me.

“Can I help you with anything today miss?”

“Um…no, no, that’s okay. I’m just looking for some chocolates.”

“Are they for your special someone?” (light giggle)

“No, they’re for me.”

“Oh, so they’re for you then. If you need anything, anything at all, I’m here.”

Apparently buying chocolates for yourself the day before Valentine’s Day looks like the last purchase somebody makes before considering a leap from the Empire State Building. I threw a $20 bill at the cashier and ran out with my chocolates, hoping I wouldn’t be judged at my next destination, Godiva.

To make a painfully-embarrassing story short, I basically got laughed out of Godiva for admitting I was buying chocolate for myself. Cheeky bastards.

As I said before, this Valentine’s Day was a learning experience for me, although I was brutally rebuffed at every chocolate venue I entered. Nonetheless, I walked away with three pieces of solid advice that should be passed on for Valentine’s Days to come.

Rule No. 1- Don’t go into a store hoping not to be judged for buying chocolates for yourself. You are being judged. Do you think nobody’s looking? Oh, they’re looking. They’re looking.

Rule No. 2- If you do have the guts to buy those solo chocolates for yourself, eat them proudly. So what if that girl behind the cash register knows they’re for you? So what? You eat that entire box of truffles and you like it.

Rule No. 3- Go all out. Don’t be frugal on the one day a year where it’s perfectly acceptable to eat your weight in chocolate. Shell out the extra few dollars and get that brand-name chocolate box, not the store brand crap. You’re buying Valentine’s Day chocolates for YOURSELF, is this really a time to be stingy?

So remember, Valentine’s Day is basically about choosing between loving someone else, or loving that chocolate aisle at your local convenience store. Both may provide bloating and regret, but at least chocolate can’t knock you up.

Sara Kay is a junior print journalism student. You may e-mail her at [email protected].