By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist
All Hofstra students know the Blue Beetle. For some, it’s that lousy rust bucket of a bus you get stuck behind in the Breslin commuter lot. For others, it’s a large navy blur that you somehow woke up on at the Mineola train station. However, for Hofstra Pride athletics, it is now their brand new whip.
Hofstra administration announced late last week that everyone’s favorite Avatar school bus will be the only way to travel for all 17 Hofstra Pride teams. The move comes after massive budget cutbacks to transportation funding. So whether its women’s hoops travelling to Virginia or baseball taking their talents to South Beach, they will be getting there by the Blue Beetle.
“It wasn’t the best trip I have ever taken,” said Hofstra men’s soccer goaltender Greg Cumpstone. The men’s team recently trekked on down to Harrisonburg, VA for a match against James Madison and they inaugurated the Blue Beetle-Hofstra athletics relationship. However, as Cumpstone tells The Chronicle, taking what is basically a school bus with a $40,000 MetroCard is not as great as Hofstra made it out to be.
“I mean Stephan [Barea] got carsickness from the ride. It was insanely bumpy, like this one small pothole sent three guys flying into the air, suspended like The Matrix, it was kind of bad ass,” said the Pride footballer. Perhaps the scariest moment of the trip came as the team boarded the bus after a 2-0 win over JMU, as the squad came into quite a surprise.
“So we get on and the floor is covered in puke and Four Loko cans, these two people are doing it in the backseat, it was like we never left Hofstra,” said Cumpstone.
After Cumpstone regaled us with a tale that can be described as “Animal House” meets “Caligula,” we went to Hofstra president Stuart Rabinowitz to ask him just why the Blue Beetle is replacing air travel and coach buses.
“Money has been an issue. I mean, my elevator is only 14 karat gold, I have to up the ante here and something needs to sacrifice at a Tier 1 academy,” said the president, as a sculptor works on a granite bust of him. This still leads to the question of how is the money gone with a medical school in and the football program out.
“Well, truthfully, money wasn’t the issue with football,” said Rabinowitz, “we were planning this Blue Beetle thing for awhile, and since we couldn’t fit the football team on one bus, we weren’t paying for the gas for two.”
With that, Rabinowitz’s beluga caviar and Maine lobster arrived and we were asked to take our exit. Now with the Pride entering the winter athletic season, there is still one huge question mark with this Blue Beetle method. The Pride men’s basketball team is going to Puerto Rico, which does require travel across a body of water. However, this reporter has a theory. After factoring in the use of the budget, it is in my conclusion the administration is hoping the bus is buoyant. Mo Cassara may want to get his players some snorkeling gear.