By Matt Napolitano, Staff Writer
For some, the amount of research that goes into an article is intense. The countless hours spent calculating stats and going over reports to perfect their piece and bring it to the highest standard. My research this week required me to throw on the bronzer and watch “Jersey Shore”.
Therefore, I have it harder than any other person.
This show may be the worst thing to happen to MTV since that succubus queen Madonna sucked out Britney Spears’ soul via mouth on live television. I mean it is just awful. The show is pretty much what Oompa-Loompas do when Willy Wonka leaves the factory (I hope they make an Everlasting Gobstopper in Valtrex flavor). Between the sexual escapades, binge drinking and the Petri dish that is that jacuzzi, this show dropped my IQ a good 20 points in 60 minutes.
Regardless, I couldn’t help but find a little bit of similarity in these Cheeto-dust covered guidos to some of the top athletes on this campus. Not in appearance, obviously, I can’t wish that kind of harm on anyone. However, the characters these fake baked Real World rejects portray, remind me a little of some of Hofstra’s finest. So, read this article, while I go refill my penicillin prescription.
Jamie Lincoln is DJ Pauly D:
While Pauly D spins and makes you fight the beat, Jamie Lincoln brought a whole new beat to this team. Replacing the graduated Tom Dooley, Lincoln took over as a leader in his junior year with the Pride. Racking up a team leading 33 goals, Lincoln was able to continue the strong legacy of Hofstra attackmen. Lincoln has proven to be able to make music out of the field and even better than whatever that 45-year-old leather couch of a disc jockey is pumping out.
Nicole Capurso is Sammi Sweetheart:
She may look like a Staten Island sweetheart, but on the court, Nicole Capurso is fierce. While she is not screaming like a banshee or causing any controversy, Capurso proves that behind this veneer, she is an intense baller. Though she started only nine of Hofstra’s 34 games last season, her 9.7 points per game gave her one of the top averages on Coach Krista Kilburn-Steveskey’s squad. She may not be in the main role, but like Sammi, she can start things up…in a constructive way.
P.J. Gillespie is Ronnie:
If you’re going to be the Ronnie on this list, you have to show the strength. Who better than P.J. Gillespie? The junior wrestler joined two of his teammates in last year’s NCAA tournament, wrestling at 165. Gillespie looks to take the next step this year and lead Hofstra to a CAA wrestling title taken away last season by Binghamton. He has the leadership role needed to get this team on track.
Olivia Galati is J-Woww:
Galati packs a different kind of punch, one that won’t land in the face of an anonymous guidette at a nightclub. In her freshman year, Galati ruled on the mound for the Pride, taking the team back to the NCAA Tournament after a season off. Galati finished 2010 with a 26-7 record and an incredible 1.60 ERA. She has filled the vacancy left by Kayleigh Lotti and is doing so with flying colors. Just remember, when you mess with Olivia Galati, things are going down on the diamond.
Charles Jenkins is Mike “The Situation”:
Let’s be honest whenever Jenkins takes to the hardwood, we got a situation in here. Entering the 2010-11 season Jenkins, the reigning CAA Player of the Year, earned another huge honor just weeks ago. The senior guard was listed as one of ESPN.com’s “Ten Names You Should Know” as part of the website’s Summer Shootaround series. Averaging nearly 21 points per game, Jenkins, like his “Jersey Shore” twin, will not be denied and is a workhorse. And maybe, just maybe, Charles has some cha-cha skills under his belt. After all, “The Situation” is doing “Dancing with the Stars” this season.
Stephanie Rice is Snooki:
She may be small, but don’t underestimate Stephanie Rice. Just like Snooki, she knows how to get your attention. However, Rice’s way is much more elaborate and does NOT involve cirrhosis of the liver. She becomes the senior leader of a squad that watched several seniors depart. Rice finished 2010 with 23 goals, splitting time at attack and midfield. Rice is an athletic player who will definitely becomes a powerful factor in the 2011 season for Hofstra Pride women’s lacrosse.
Dana Bergstrom is Vinny:
From watching this show, Vinny seems to be the unsung hero to me, the one seemingly with an IQ in a room of orange dum-dums. As for Dana Bergstrom, she may not get the credit, but the Pride women’s soccer team would not be the same without her. She may not be a top goal scorer like Salma Tarik, but she is the one this team relies on to get in on every play. With a team leading 4 assists, Bergstrom has become an asset at left back and truly a stellar athlete since transferring from Syracuse.
Halil Kanaecvic is Angelina:
Well, hey, Angelina left after her first season. It’s all in good fun. Sorry Halil, but if the shoe fits…