By The Chronicle Staff

In Enterprise Hall:

Girl: Oh, I love that smell! It smells like my grandma’s garden.

Guy: Huh? I smell marijuana.

Girl: Oh…

In the Student Center:

Guy: If I ever married someone who was a vegetarian, I would shove meat down her throat.

In class:

Professor: These judges were appointed by John Adams.

International Student: Was he like a judge or something?

Professor: No. He was the second president of the United States.

Guy: Who the hell let you in the country?

In Hammer Lab:

Girl: If you were a vegetarian, would you eat animal crackers?

Inside Au Bon Pain:

Girl 1: Hofstra is so boring.

Girl 2: Tell me about it. The last crazy thing to happen was that girl who cried rape.

On the Unispan:

Guy: That’s the most hispanic way to murder someone–make them food and poison it.

In Dempster Hall:

Girl 1: I’ve been doing so good with my diet!

Girl 2: Good for you!

Girl 1: Yeah, I haven’t been drinking liquids… Only water!

In class:

Professor: I’ll hit you so hard your parents will die.

In Salem House:

Guy 1: So I hooked up with Michelle last night.

Guy 2: Oh! You mean Michelle [last name]! I hooked up with her last year.

Guy 1: So she’s like the village bicycle?

Guy2: If the village was a vibrating seat, yeah.