By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist
Well, it’s official. Tebowmania has landed in the Big Apple. As I write that statement, I have placed my hand over a lit candle to ease the pain.
Former Denver Broncos messiah Tim Tebow was officially introduced as the newest member of the New York Jets on Monday. Quite frankly, you’d think the Beatles had landed at JFK again with the cavalcade of national sports reporters that invaded the Jets training facility. And even if it were the Beatles, you would assume Rex Ryan probably ate all of them, except Ringo (and not the kind of drumsticks Sexy Rexy is looking for these days).
It was an utter media circus in Florham Park, one that even the likes of Barnum & Bailey or Ringling Brothers could not put together. Hundreds press credentials, cameras, and publicity galore to welcome Tebow to Gang Green. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, a larger than life welcome.to the backup quarterback. They don’t give Grammys to Oates or Garfunkel.
Possibly the worst part of all this was the reporters at this introduction. The chuckling, the welcoming, they were so giddy to see Tebow. Stumbling shy through questions, it was like watching teenage girls swooning over the latest Twilight mess. And instantly, I had a horrifying image of fat men, Sunday warriors, wearing shirts that say either Team Tim or Team Mark (patent pending, copyright Armchair Observations 2012).
It didn’t even stop with the conference. Tebow Jet jerseys are sold out in the entire tri-state area. The Jetbow sandwich at Carnegie Deli is raising the blood pressure and emptying the wallet of New Yorkers left and right, and, of course, the billboard at the Lincoln Tunnel of Tebow in his tighty whiteys. That’s right, Jockey, the company which sponsors the Christian Crusader, placed a big ‘ol Tebow display for undergarments at one of New York’s main thoroughfares.
I will credit Jockey this, it wouldn’t be the first time any New Yorker has seen a man in his underpants standing outside the Lincoln Tunnel. Maybe the first time it’s ten feet tall, but yeah, crazy people in this world.
However, I pose a question to Woody Johnson, Mike Tannenbaum, and everyone in the Jets franchise. Haven’t you forgotten someone? You know, Mark Sanchez. Sanchez, the starting QB who signed a 3-year extension and you said you had the utmost confidence in. You didn’t even consult him on this deal for a fractured team morale that is more “Bad Girls Club” than clubhouse.
I mean, it’s a really smart idea to give an overwhelming amount of attention to the second in command. I mean, just ask John McCain.
Don’t get me wrong, I know most Jet fans are already feeling ready to Tebow and embrace a quarterback who could operate well under Tony Sparano’s Wildcat offense. However, my reaction is less prayer and more of a “Why God? Why”.
For me, this is not the right move right now. You’re only adding dynamite to the atomic bomb that is that Jet locker room. Plus, more needs to be done if Gang Green wants any shot at the playoffs this season. You have a Swiss cheese roster right now with zero depth in several positions. Before Tebow, your big offseason signing was Chaz Schilens. I’ll pause for a moment so those of you reading this column can Wikipedia him.
However, we can only watch the social experiment now. Will Tebow sink or swim in New York? Will he be the hero off the bench or fade into the background like many a good college gunslinger before him?
Personally, I can’t wait to see how he handles himself in an eclectic city like New York. I mean, after he poses for a photo with Timothy Cardinal Dolan, what’s next? I don’t expect him to hit The Hustler Club or the city bar crawl. Unless he was truthful about being excited about his texting relationship with Mark Sanchez, “LOL Mark’s his BFF”. Maybe the way to figure this out is if Sanchez holds Tebow’s hair after a shot of Jameson? We’ll see, we’ll see.