By Complied by the Hofstra Chronicle
In Class:
Professor: Who gives a s–t about Rhode Island? They weren’t even at the Constitutional Convention. What contributions have they made?
Girl: That’s where Pauly D is from.
In Class:
Professor: I’m not an elitist. I believe everybody should get As.
Outside Breslin:
Guy 1: Dude, she was only like a five.
Guy 2: Wow. How f—ed up was I?
Guy 1: Really f–ked up. I pretended to be your boyfriend to save you.
On the Shuttle:
Guy: I’ll just drop out of school and become a goat herder.
In the Student Center:
Girl: I’m so mad. I not only dropped my booze, but I can’t wear those shoes any more.
On the Unispan:
Girl 1: He really loved her.
Girl 2: Yeah, he took care of that b—h.
In the Student Center
Guy 1: Her name sounds like a porn star name.
Guy 2: Or a rare Australian fruit.
Outside the Shuart Stadium
Guy: I tried to use the bathroom but it was locked. So I peed next to it.
Outside Bill of Rights:
Girl: They’re paper airplanes! It’s paper that flies in the air!
Outside Bits & Bites:
Girl: I start diets on Mondays; you know I start diets on Mondays!
At Bar Social:
Guy 1: Dude, if it weren’t for Wikipedia, I wouldn’t be graduating this spring.
Guy 2: Yeah, man. I mean, classes are hard.
In Breslin:
Guy: Man, growing up sucks.
In Breslin:
Professor: There’s nothing to do in Storres, Connecticut. So people get stoned.
In Breslin:
Professor: Turn the lights up a hair. (Pause) That’s more than a hair. That’s a bouffant.
In Class:
Professor: Tests are bulls–t.
In Breslin:
Professor: I was on her and she was large. Let the record show, I’m talking about a boat.
In the Student Center:
Guy 1: He had a small piece of paper on his lap the whole time.
Guy 2: He cheated on that test like he cheated on his girlfriend.