By By James J. Parziale
So after a “stellar” 7-7 performance last week, suffice it to say that I’m back. I’m off the snide and out of last place, an honor that now belongs to Chris. This week, I plan to continue my Cleveland Indians-like ascent to the top of the NFL Picks Standings. Sorry about the baseball reference, but September and October are my favorite sports months of the year. Usually, the Yankees are fighting for a championship and the 49ers aren’t officially eliminated until at least November.
GAME OF THE WEEK
Philadelphia (2-1) +2.5 at Kansas City (2-1): David Akers cried from the pain in his hamstring after kicking the game-winning field goal against the Raiders. Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil will not be outdone by of all people, a kicker. Look for Vermeil to go to the waterworks early and often.
On a serious note, Vermeil knows to give the ball to Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson-his bread and butter. The Eagles stuffed the Raiders rushing offense last week, but the Eagles’ defense is overrated. Terrell Owens will be tamed (but not shut down) by All-Pro CB Patrick Curtain. Pick: Chiefs
UPSET SPECIAL
San Diego (1-2) +5.5 at New England (2-1): Pats’ Pro Bowl safety Rodney Harrison is out the rest of the year with a torn ACL. Maybe it’s poetic justice for all the dirty hits Harrison has dished out over the years. The Patriots defense is decimated with injuries and LaDanian Tomlinson is the best running back in the NFL. Pick: Chargers
Buffalo (1-2) NL at New Orleans (1-2): This game will be played in San Antonio, where the search for the real Deuce McAllister continues. He is averaging 3.2 yards-per-carry and has not broken the 65-yard mark in three games. Has anyone noticed J.P. Losman looks like actor Adam Sandler? Losman is doing a fine job acting like a quarterback this season. Pick: Saints
Seattle (2-1) +2 at Washington (2-0): The Redskins were on the hook for a loss to the Cowboys two Mondays ago until former Jets WR Santana Moss flew through the secondary. A huge dose of Seahawks RB Shaun Alexander should be enough to tarnish the Skins’ perfect record. Pick: Seahawks
Denver (2-1) +4 at Jacksonville (2-1): The Jaguars manhandled the Colts and Jets offenses in consecutive weeks, and QB Byron Leftwich must’ve been a linebacker in a previous life. On the other sideline, Jake Plummer can’t get out of John Elway’s shadow, let alone out of the way of an oncoming blitz.
Pick: Jaguars
Indianapolis (3-0) -6.5 at Tennessee (1-2): Will the real Colts defense please stand up? They have allowed 16 points all season. Last year they would’ve allowed 16 points in the first quarter to a flag football team. DE Dwight Freeney is fun to watch. Pick: Colts
Houston (0-2) +10 at Cincinnati (3-0): For the first time since 1990, the Bengals have won their first three games. They lead the league with a plus-12 turnover ratio. Chad Johnson can yap and dance all he wants, because backs it up. Each week the Texans are a waste of copy-space in my column.
Pick: Bengals
Detroit (1-1) +7 at Tampa Bay (3-0): Detroit is atop the NFC North by default. The Lions had a bye week and couldn’t lose last week. The Bucs look like Super Bowl contenders again and Cadillac Williams is the first running back in NFL history to run for over 100 yards in this first three games. He’ll keep racking up the mileage. Pick: Bucs
St. Louis (2-1) +3 at NY Giants (2-1): The G-men gave up 45 points to San Diego while Eli Manning got booed each time he touched the ball. My favorite anti-Eli poster featured an enlarged pacifier with the slogan “You dropped this.” Don’t be surprised if the Rams drop 30 points Sunday. Pick: Rams
NY Jets (1-2) +7.5 at Baltimore (0-2): Which no-name QB will lose the game for his team- the Jets’ Brooks Bollinger or the Ravens’ Anthony Wright? The Jets have no offense, but the Ravens aren’t a touchdown better than anyone. Pick: Jets
Minnesota (1-2) +5.5 at Atlanta (2-1): Honestly, I could care less who wins this game.
Pick: Falcons
Dallas (2-1) +3 at Oakland (0-3): The Cowgirls stole one from my 49ers last week and could be 0-3 had the Chargers not collapsed on their final possession on Opening Day. It’s not likely the Raiders will start the season with four straight losses. If they do, the Black Hole may swallow Norv Turner alive. Pick: Raiders
San Francisco (1-2) +3 at Arizona (0-3) (in Mexico City): Do you think when NFL officials were deciding which game was to be the first international regular season game ever, they sat around and said: “Guys, let’s give Mexico the worst game on the docket. They’ll never know.” This week, there is no ludicrous reason for a 49ers victory. It’s the Cardinals. Pick: 49ers
Green Bay (0-3) +7.5 at Carolina (1-2): Like a pig in feces, I’m reveling in Brett Favre’s misery. It continues this week as the Panthers running game and defense will dominate. Pick: Panthers
These picks are for recreational use only.