By By James J. Parziale

After my second consecutive week of atrocious picks, I’m at a loss for words. Doing NFL Picks isn’t easy (editor’s note: it’s easier than you make it look, James), and taking that into account is important when looking at my record (which looks like the 49ers win-loss ratio from the past three seasons). Yet, with the losses racking up, it’s time to bring out the paper bag and put it over my head New Orleans ‘Aints style. Here are this week’s picks/losses.

GAME OF THE WEEKNew England (1-1) +3 at Pittsburgh (2-0): So the Steelers have successfully shut me up the two last weeks by destroying two doormats. Fine. This is my week for redemption. The Patriots successfully spanked the Steelers in the AFC Championship game last year and after a poor loss at Carolina, it’s unlikely a team that has won 35 of its last 40 will fall a game under .500. Pick: Patriots

Atlanta (1-1) Pick at Buffalo (1-1): This game hinges on the legs on Ron Mexico…oops…I mean Mike Vick (if you’re confused, google it). Vick pulled a hamstring last week-what a surprise that he’s hurt. Without him, the Falcons could be confused with the Browns. Pick: Bills

Cincinnati (2-0) -3 at Chicago (1-1): The Bears put on an offensive clinic against the Lions last week, but they won’t score 38 points the rest of the year. Cincinnati can no longer be called the Bungals with the Johnson boys (Rudi and Chad) on the offensive. Carson Palmer is pretty good, too. Pick: Bengals

Tampa Bay (2-0) -3 at Green Bay (0-2): Brett Favre should just get it over with and retire right now; it’s over for Brett. Let Aaron Rodgers soak up some knowledge and rebuild the defense. Cadillac Williams and Mike Alstott are a dynamic backfield duo. Plus, you’re in good hands with Alstott while riding a Cadillac. Pick: Bucs

Cleveland (1-1) +13.5 at Indianapolis (2-0): Peyton Manning was frustrated until the fourth quarter against a vaunted Jaguars defense. After a scare last week, Manning might throw 49 touchdowns this week against Romeo Crennel’s rebuilding defense. Pick: Colts

Tennessee (1-1) +6 at St. Louis (1-1): My, how the mighty have fallen. Seems like yesterday the Rams stopped Kevin Dyson at the goal line to win Super Bowl XXXIV, but now these teams are mere shells of themselves. Pick: Rams

Carolina (1-1) -3.5 at Miami (1-1): The Dolphins defense has proven it’s back after looking like Swiss cheese last year. The problem? Gus Frerotte is the QB and Ricky Williams is still serving his four-game suspension for doing his best Bob Marley act (and I’m not talking about music). This one should be close, but the Panthers offense is better. Pick: Panthers

New Orleans (1-1) +3.5 at Minnesota (0-2): After an MVP-like season last year, Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper’s game plan this year is to spread the ball and throw to everyone, which evidently includes the other team. It is unlikely Culpepper will struggle all year. Pick: Vikings

Jacksonville (1-1) Pick at New York Jets (1-1): No Curtis Martin means big problems for the hapless Jets offense. Jags RB Fred Taylor is no slouch and Jacksonville’s defense held the Colts to 10 points. Can the Jets score in the negatives this week? Pick: Jaguars

Oakland (0-2) +8 at Philadelphia (1-1): Taking my advice into consideration, the Raiders threw to the ball to Randy Moss. However, on the final play the ball went to Jerry Porter. WHY? This week the Raiders should just directly snap the ball to Moss. Pick: Eagles

Dallas (1-1) -6.5 at San Francisco (1-1): So after the 49ers jumped out to a 28-9 win in their win against the Rams, they’ve been outscored 59-3. Lovely. This week, the 49ers should kidnap Drew Bledsoe and let Alex Smith play quarterback for the Cowboys. They both wear No. 11, so no one will know. Pick: 49ers

Arizona (0-2) +6.5 at Seattle (1-1): Every week there is a game no one wants to watch, let alone read about. Bingo. Pick: Seahawks

New York Giants (2-0) +6 at San Diego (0-2): Why can’t LaDainian Tomlinson hold out in training camp to force a trade? Why are the jerks always the ones who waste valuable headline space (See Terrell Owens and John Abraham)? If Tomlinson got traded, to a team like the 49ers lets say, he would be MUCH better off. Pick: Chargers

Kansas City (2-0) +3 at Denver (1-1): Break up the Chiefs. A good running game and a solid, revamped defense seem to make the Chiefs the early front-runners in the AFC West. The only intriguing thing about the Chiefs right now is when Dick Vermeil is going to cry. Pick: Chiefs