By Martini Amour
“If a guy tells you how many girls he’s hooked up with, it’s not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total.”
Ok, so if Kevin is saying it’s been three girls it’s more like one or none. The rule of three. It’s an exact science. Consistent as gravity. Then, of course Stifler comes to the rescue to clarify the female half of the equation.
“When a girl tells you how many guys she’s slept with, multiply it by three and that’s the real number. Didn’t you
American Pie 2 brought to cinematic light many ideas and misconceptions, which today’s college students are faced with when attempting to decipher their partner’s past love lives. And as the flowers will hopefully begin to bloom as spring semester has begun, many new encounters and relationships are bound to flourish as well. But like with most things, there are always the inevitable questions, and there is never really a good time to ask them. So how concerned are we, as undergraduates in the prime of our sexual lives, with how many others have preyed on our new love interests? And regardless of emotional baggage, how much do our past sexual encounters impact our current and future ones? At the end of the day, is it really just the number game, and how much does it matter?
In a spring 2001 survey conducted by the University of Pittsburgh Student Health Service, 321 undergraduate students were surveyed regarding their number of past sexual partners as well as their perception of the sexual lives of students their age as well. A mix of male and female students from many backgrounds and members of every undergraduate age level, the results of this survey were quite interesting. When asked how many sexual partners undergraduate students had in their lifetime, the results were scattered across the board.
The majority of students, 28 percent polled, had one partner, surprisingly followed by 21 percent of students who has had no past sexual partners. Fourteen percent had two, ten percent had three and nine percent had nine or more partners. The remainder of the results were scattered amongst four to eight partners.
The really interesting part came when students were asked, “During his/her lifetime how many sexual partners do you think the typical student at Pitt has had?”
Students only believed that one percent of students remained virgins, and thought that 28 percent of students had four partners under their belt, which happened to be three times the real number.
Now, while this is just one survey, it does raise a few eyebrows and a lot of questions. Are people at the University of Pittsburgh just not getting laid? Or are we all under the assumption that the people around us are getting a lot more than we are? I know people from Pittsburgh, so I think the second answer is much more truthful. So, since most of us are concerned that the girl down the hall, the guy next to us in marketing class and our professors are getting more ass than we are, I’m here to assure you that this is most likely not the case. But we’re all curious, and we are always most curious when it comes to the past sexual engagements of our new interests.
“You’re afraid that if they’ve slept with more people than you, you’re inadequate, and if they’ve slept with fewer, they’re not experienced enough,” Andrea, a 21-year-old Junior at Eastern Connecticut State University, said. “You really cannot win either way.”
Most are likely to pop the question before they sleep with someone new. “How many people have you slept with?” It seems much more eloquent than, “Are you dirty, should I run away now, or am I ok?”
Anyway anyone phrases the question, it is an awkward one to ask, but you won’t feel comfortable without knowing the truth.
Whether it is too big or too small, in some way that number affects how we see that person. Granted, they could be lying to tell you what you want to hear, but let’s forget about that guy and that girl and give our peers the benefit of the doubt. Ideally, having the same number of partners would make the most comfortable situation, but honestly, how many times does that happen, and regardless, having a new sexual partner is always a vulnerable experience that no number can eliminate one way or the other.
On this season of The Bachelorette, Jen Schefft eliminated a bachelor because the 29-year old said he was saving himself for marriage. So while that’s commitment, it isn’t always ideal either.
On the other end of the spectrum, when is too many past encounters just too many? Twenty-year-old John shed his male opinion on the topic.
“I’m going to trust that my partner is telling the truth when she tells me she had slept with 190 guys after we already had a solid friendship and as things were starting to get more relationship oriented and not over a drink the first time we met,” he said. “A personal belief of mine is that people can change their direction at any point in time at will, as long as they make a commitment to do so. If a girl I was interested in seeing approached me with this information in the context that she wanted to be open and honest with me from the very start and was not looking to make me number 191, but rather develop a relationship with substance then I couldn’t do anything but accept and respect her honesty.”
John went on to say that he thinks many people all make a poor choice in the past and believe it’s important to believe in people and their willingness to grow as a person instead of just making negative judgments regardless of their initiative for change.
“I know I would have missed out on some awesome opportunities if people hadn’t overlooked some poor decisions of my past,” John said.
When posed with the same fictional scenario, 22-year old Jessica said, “If there were that many, there would not be a relationship. When it gets to be obscenely offensive, that is when it is too much.”
The number of people that you have slept with, will in most cases affect future relationships in one way or another. There are no perfect numbers for any age, we all have our own reasons and principles for doing what we want to do. What is important to remember is that whether your partner has slept with one person or with 1000 people, openness and honesty is the key from the get go. And safety has no correct number, it is always important to keep your health as your top priority. Don’t be too quick to judge, but don’t hesitate to ask for explanations either. If you’re being added to that tally, you have a right to know.