In a globally connected queer community, it is very common for relationships to start online. Whether that be Tinder, Bumble or other various queer-oriented apps like Grindr and Scruff, college students use them as a tool to find friends or potential significant others. This is what I was wishing for when I joined Grindr. I put my information in my bio including my major, university and graduation year. However, the pursuit of this silver lining was interrupted when I was messaged by an individual who identified himself as an alleged professor and asked me for a sexual favor.
He messaged, “Prof offering head.”
“U in a fraternity?”
I quickly responded, “No.” and he returned, “Oh ok”
This was the end of our only interaction. His profile bio indicated he was in Monroe Hall on the south side of campus, and that he was 45 years old. I immediately reported this interaction through the right channels, and it was guided into the hands of a Title IX coordinator. I met with Hofstra public safety afterwards and from what I can perceive, the issue was handled accordingly. Overall it was a good response, and I have no complaints with Hofstra’s proceedings.
Still, there’s a lot to dissect here. The individual entered this interaction by stating he is a professor, a person of power. That is using his power to seduce me, to entice me and pressure me into engaging in a sexual act. This seemed unreal, an eerie and almost cliché archetype of a predator. This made me feel disgusting, and a university should never be a place where this occurs. This individual thought it was appropriate to seek students who are vulnerable to his alleged status and position of authority. I remember rejecting resources at my disposal, and reassuring myself that I would be okay; this was just something unfortunate that happened to me. Yet, this festered in my psyche and affected my daily life. Sadly, this is not the only case of Hofstra students being approached by a professor on Grindr, and this madness needs to stop.
According to the American Association of University Women, less than 10% of student sexual harassment victims attempt to report their experiences to a university employee, 35% or more of college students who experience sexual harassment do not tell anyone about their experiences and 30% of undergraduate students have been sexually harassed. There is a prevalence of campus assault, and the lack of statistics regarding professor-student relations is alarming. Clearly, the microcosm of a campus has a large effect on people, and this is an overlooked issue.
Power dynamics are simple to understand. To approach a student from a position of authority is making a coercion with that power, emphasizing the disparity between parties. This is not the consent of two adults, but the manipulation of one to another. To put it simply, the power dynamic removes the choice. Because this particular alleged professor retained his anonymity, there is no way to tell if he has any will over my academic success at Hofstra. However, it is clear that this is problematic and an example of what could have been a harmful series of events.
This type of toxic masculinity has found haven in the queer community. When society normalizes things like the stereotype of the predatorial professor, we emulate them. The pressure we feel to align ourselves with these heteronormative projections of anonymity and secrecy are toxic. I do not know why this individual reached out to me in particular, or whether or not he would have favored me more if I indeed belonged to a fraternity, but one can only speculate the thought process of a predator.
Pride and Prejudice is an ongoing op-ed series exploring experiences of and ideas surrounding discrimination on Hofstra’s campus.
