When I was in my senior year of high school, I was always worrying about what living with a roommate would be like. Before college, I had lived with just my parents – I was an only child in a small, suburban town. I wasn’t very social, and am still not, and didn’t interact with people my own age very often. My senior year of high school was also rough because my parents were in the middle of their divorce. My parents were selling the home I lived in for so many years and moving far away. I had to live on a campus instead of commuting to the local state college.

 I had concerns about how clean my roommate would be, how noisy they would be and how many guests they would have over and how often. I wound up living in a suite in Stuyvesant Hall with a roommate and two suitemates. Unfortunately, many of my fears turned out to be true.

When I first moved in, the three individuals whom I would be spending several months of my life with in close proximity seemed perfectly amiable. Boy, are appearances sometimes misleading. Things started going wrong when I figured out some of my suitemates’ mutual friends, who would visit very often, were talking behind my back. They apparently were talking about how quiet and socially inept I appeared to be. One of my suitemates appeared to agree, because whenever I would try to make conversation with them they would either ignore me completely or reply angrily with one-word answers. I was so confused and frustrated about what the issues were and focused on what I could possibly be doing wrong. I became extremely uncomfortable around them and their friends. It also didn’t help that one of their friends would comment on my dress and always stand in my way when they were around.

I was eventually able to speak with the three of them after encountering some difficulties. I thought it went well because I heard nothing about anybody complaining about me for the next three weeks; however, I thought wrong. One afternoon I was randomly verbally assaulted by the rude suitemate about the most random things. They even pretty much kicked me out of our lounge. While this was happening, my roommate just sat and did nothing and then got dinner with them.

Because of the poor treatment and lack of support, I had to reach out to my resident assistant to do a mediation. My roommate and suitemate had done so, too. The mediation itself went all right as my suitemate and I attempted to work out our issues, though it was extremely tense. Afterward, there was just silence for the rest of the semester. At the end of the semester, however, my roommate and I did have a rather one-sided talk. They told me I should move out because of how disruptive I was to our suitemates’ lives. I thought this suggestion was unfair and did not move out.

Unfortunately, neither my roommate or suitemate liked that very much. Both of them barely talked to me in the spring semester besides to complain about something, like how smelly my room was, who was using the bathroom at what time or about the placement of my things in the lounge. Sometimes my stuff was even moved all across the suite.

I eventually decided we needed another mediation. I felt I wouldn’t be heard otherwise. Unfortunately, this mediation didn’t go so well because my roommate verbally assaulted me afterward by complaining about how overly sensitive I was and how nobody will ever be nice to me in the future. Fortunately, I barely spoke to them or the suitemate again for the rest of the semester and still have not to this day.

While I did try to make myself heard, I feel I could have done a better job sticking up for myself. If you ever experience abuse from your roommate, suite mate, friend or SO, don’t be afraid to seek help. There are many supportive and helpful people on campus in Student Access Services and the Student Heath And Counseling Center.