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When the Food and Drug Administration issued their first authorization of a COVID-19 vaccine, it felt as though there was finally a glimmer of hope. Possibly, there was even some truth to everyone that had a far more optimistic outlook than me when they said that normalcy was near.

But then again, maybe not. It’s been just over a year since the outbreak was declared a pandemic, and I suddenly found my social media feeds filled with a flurry of reflections of the past year and throwbacks to happier days.

As I scroll past the nearly identical posts of people thanking friends and family for sticking by their (virtual) side and being grateful despite all that has happened, I can’t help but think about the vital side of mental health and wellness not being highlighted. The side where we remind each other that it’s genuinely ok to not feel ok. A reminder that just because we’re in a pandemic doesn’t mean we have to feel grateful for everything else all the time or constantly remind ourselves and others that everything happens for a reason.

Truthfully, I have blocks of time where I feel largely unmotivated and uninspired throughout the pandemic. As a self-proclaimed overachiever and unintentional people pleaser, the overwhelming urge to do nothing was shocking to me and anyone who knows me well. Every time I saw reflective social media posts about being grateful and finding happiness amid the pandemic, part of me felt guilty for not feeling and thinking that way.

I was never able to bring myself to make one of those posts, and it’s because I recently realized that the only thing I’m truly grateful for during the pandemic is that it has helped me conclude that I’m burnt out. I never wanted to accept it. I kept telling myself that it was a slump brought on by sudden isolation from my friends and social life. But the feeling never went away, and I kept bringing myself down as I convinced myself that I have no good reason to feel the way I do. I was always reminding myself that I have too many opportunties and privilege that other people don’t and it’s selfish to feel bad for myself.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t ever feel grateful, only that it’s not mandatory all the time. It’s ok to have days where you don’t want to do anything. It’s ok to cry over all that may have happened had it not been for the pandemic and to feel sad about things that did.

In the past year, I have lost many people I love. I also lost someone that I didn’t think I’d have to let go of for a very long time. That loss made me reevaluate practically everything about my life, including where I was and where I wanted to go. As I was, and continue, to grieve, I am becoming better at accepting my feelings and trying to better understand them. The whirlwind of social media posts promoting positivity during these times and the constant reminders that I needed to be strong, not for myself, but for my family, clouded my judgment. I let myself believe that focusing on the good was what was going to make me feel better. I eventually learned that, for me, thinking of a better time or trying to narrow in on all the good that has happened doesn’t necessarily help. I needed to find my own path to grieve upon, and in doing so, I was able to get to a place where I began to feel accepting and content with the events of the past year.

So, this is a reminder to anyone that might need it right now. Everyone has had a different journey through this pandemic. Coping mechanisms look different for everyone. Take the time to let yourself feel what you’re feeling. It could be taking a day to yourself to stay in and do nothing, venting to a friend or reminiscing about a pre-pandemic era. Keep trying and find what works for you.