By Dave Coonan
George W. Bush – a man of few words. Not “few” in the sense that he has a shortage of them, but “few” in the sense that so “few” of them form logical sentences. He adds a flair to the English language that very few of us understand, but there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t understand Spanish, but that doesn’t make it wrong.
For example, my spell checker says “arbolist” isn’t a word, there’s a squiggly red line under it. But Bush has used it in public, as a real word, and as leader of the free world, he has made “arbolist” as American as apple pie. Granted, apple pie laced with cyanide – but it’s still apple pie on the surface, right?
Despite some accusations that our president is a moron, the fact remains that he is somewhat well educated, having attended Yale University, a prestigious school just north of us in sunny Connecticut. I also think he graduated, but I’m not sure. It would certainly help my argument if he did.
I’m not a Bush sympathizer, but I feel he has simply taken some artistic licenses when talking to the American people, and like any talented artist, he is practicing his art by taking our language to new heights.
For example, he gave a speech in Washington on Nov. 27, 2002, in which he said, “The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production.”
So, as you see, Bush was telling his public that he will pump millions of dollars into terrorist research, making them more intelligent, and therefore increasing the production of a massive amount of weapons.
Simple, if you understand the lingo.
Truthfully, I don’t know much about foreign policies or terrorists, so let’s backtrack to the home front for a second (which I know even less about). While Bush is increasing the intelligence of our nation’s terrorists, he’s also looking out for the kids. And by kids, I mean students. And by students, I mean the future of this country. I believe the children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way – all the way to Washington.
With a president like Bush at the helm setting a fine example, it should be no problem for even the most underachieving of kids to one day rule this nation.
“I’m sure there’s a lot of people frightened – biotechnology is a long word and it sounds – they may say, well, I don’t know if I’m smart enough to be in biotechnology, or it sounds too sophisticated to be in biotechnology.”
Those kids need not be frightened, the future is in their hands – because they can spell “biotechnology,” putting them, most likely, one step ahead of the man who currently calls the White House “home.”
Love him or hate him, we should all listen to Dubya’s ideas. They address the issues that are facing the citizens of this fine capitalist society. Money is the key to living a happy life and I, like many Americans, believe that those greenbacks hold the power we need to be better people. And like those pink hearts in the original Legend of Zelda, the more you have, the better off you are.
“First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren’t necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn’t mean you’re willing to kill.”
And here I am living my shallow life always thinking they wanted to slit my throat.
On that pleasant note (it rhymes!), it’s almost morning, so I should really think about getting my customary four hours of sleep. But before I go, I want to leave you with something that helps me sleep better at night, and being a charitable guy, I’m willing to share it with you. Once again, from the lips of our president:
“We are ready for any unforeseen event which may or may not happen.”
Goodnight, America!*
* The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Dave Coonan. He does not pretend to know anything about politics. But he does know the contents of a hot dog. Beware!
