By Diana Lee LaBrecque
Did anyone else wake up this morning and suddenly want to be a teenage TV/film star with a record deal? I like, totally, totally did. The whole thing with being a skanky, sexy, scandalous pop singer like Britney is so 10 minutes ago. The new cool resume to have in your back pocket is to be younger than 18, not be a blonde, and be able to look good on the TV and movie screen. Oh and also have a voice that all eight and 28 year olds can get stuck in their head. seventeen-year-old Lindsay Lohan has accomplished all this and she can’t legally vote yet. The whole controversy between Christina and Britney is over…now the new Disney/Hollywood rivals are Lindsay and Hillary. Both girls fight over the screen and microphone, and rumored to have recently shared a man. Lohan beats Duff on the cool meter by whatever is bigger than a landslide. Though Lohan is a funky chick who knows how to dress, her newest film contains a character that needs to be shot in the foot.
Without Jamie Curtis (Freaky Friday) to help her stand on her own two feet, Lohan takes the stage in her newest parent-approved flick Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Mary (Lohan), who prefers to be called Lola, is suddenly forced to move away from her beloved New York City to banal New Jersey with her mother (Glenne Headly) and two twin younger sisters. Lola is determined, dramatic character who only knows how to live life in the spotlight with no costar upstaging her. She doesn’t exactly get what she is used to at her new school. She is immediately alienated because the suburbs aren’t quite ready for a diva. Lola, who comes from a low-income family but still manages to wear at least 50 fashionable outfits to school, befriends a shy outcast who hasn’t yet gotten in touch with her inner super star. Ella (Alison Pill) and Lola become immediate friends, especially with their similar passion for the fictional rock group. As Lola tries hard to become the queen of the high school castle, tragedy strikes and her favorite group breaks up. The rest of the movie is Lola slipping and sliding down a path that includes trying to seeing her band in their last concert, starring in the school play, giving her best friend a personality and of course, trying to get her mother’s approval.
Though the plot sounds like a big ice cream sundae with a cherry on top, the character of Lola cries every 10 minutes and has over 50 different personalities. Though Lohan is a teenager herself, she could try harder to be a teenager who is a little less annoying on screen.
The hottest factor to the movie is Adam Garcia (remember the hot Australian in Coyote Ugly who took off his shirt on a bar?… he’s back) playing a long-haired rock star. By the end of the movie he gets a haircut and admits to having an intense drinking problem. Since it is a Disney movie, it had to be very realistic. So at no point in time were the teenage girls shown without adult supervision while they ventured outside the suburbs. Also, no teenager ever mentioned or was shown drinking or smoking. A note to Disney: if a teenager like Lola ever existed she would have to be banished to Canada. The most risqué character was a car mechanic who wore a leather jacket and of course turned out to be Lola’s love interest. The most developed character in the entire film is Garcia’s-simply because he is hot and has an Australian accent. It is not worth it to pay ten bucks just to see Lohan cry and dance in dream sequences… but Adam Garcia makes everything okay.
Final Grade: C