By Lisa Flores
I have good news: You don’t have to suck your stomach in anymore. Also, that skinny girl – you know, the one who can never find jeans with long enough legs and a small enough waist – she has nothing on you now. Tomorrow, treat yourself to a side of bacon with your egg-white omelet, or put actual cream in your coffee. Most importantly, skip the gym for once (or twice, or three times…whatever) and head to the mall with this in mind: Instead of having to change your body in order to fit into a wardrobe that’s too tight, too short, too low and, often, too uncomfortable, it’s time to change your wardrobe to fit you.
I’m not trying to promote self-love or a healthy body image; to be honest, I take pleasure in knowing there are other girls who loathe their bodies as much as I loathe my own. Acceptance is reserved for the well-adjusted, so we’ll be having none of that. I’ve always found that instead of fixing a problem, it’s much easier to cover it up and ignore it. Luckily, with this season’s fashion you can do just that. Here’s to hiding the grotesque imperfections of the average female body!
As the temperature drops it’s time to start covering yourself up – more than once. “Overt sexiness, in case you didn’t get the memo, is over. Designers piled on layers for fall…[and] oversize looks…took over the runways” says Style.com. That doesn’t mean, however, that you have to look frumpy. In fact, if you layer correctly you could very well end up looking thinner than Nicole Richie in a muumuu.
Up top, two or three layers should be sufficient; four or more could quickly take you from Nicole Richie to Anna Nicole (before Trimspa). Use different lengths to your advantage: cover up your muffin top with an oversized sweater and hide your big butt with a long cardigan. If you’re shaped like a rectangle (think Hilary Duff circa Lizzie McGuire), cinch your “waist” with a thin belt. Even those of you who are less endowed in the facial region can benefit from layering: throw a decorative scarf around your neck and it’ll surely distract the eye.
Color, texture and volume are also important for this fall. Dark grays, browns and blacks are the obvious basics, but lighten them up with gem tones like amethyst, ruby, emerald, or amber to name a few. As for texture, experiment with ruffles, buttons, lace, bows and different fabrics. If you prefer to keep it simple, layering is enough. The same also goes for volume, but if you’re feeling daring have fun with all things poofy, like sleeves, skirts, or hair – but never all at once.
With the exception of dresses and skirts, your voluminous pieces should be worn on your upper half. (As it turns out, skinny bitch is the only one who can pull off baggy pants, and thus she gets the last laugh.) Trade in your flares for boot cut, straight leg, or skinny jeans and trust me when I say those styles are slimming on most body types. Leggings are also flattering, and opaque tights, which look great under bubble skirts and minis, slim and elongate the legs, especially if they’re paired with shoes of the same color.
This season is all about embellishment, so join in and indulge yourself while it lasts.
