For the last eight years of my life, I haven’t had a single painfree moment. On Sept. 17, 2018, I tore my ACL and meniscus during gym class and, since then, have struggled with constant knee pain and instability. As if that wasn’t enough, in Aug. 2022, I injured my shoulder during karaoke (don’t ask).

It’s difficult to put into words how hard living like this can be, especially since I remember what it was like to be pain free. These afflictions have stripped my athletic ability from me and have made stepping on a baseball field, something I love to do more than anything, nearly impossible.

The mental hurdles are one thing, but the fact of the matter is that the difficulty lies in the physical pain that I endure every day. Some days are better than others, and some days I can barely move my arm or put weight on my knee. The hardest days are when both injuries flare up and the combination of ice packs and Advil doesn’t put a dent in the pain.

Many people, including some of whom I’m close with, often tell me they don’t know how I deal with these issues. Sometimes I don’t know either. Even on good days, I have difficulty putting on a brave face and not letting anyone know that I am deeply uncomfortable. I never want anyone to worry. Even though I’ve gotten good at masking my pain, I can’t hide the grimace when I stand up or sit down. I can’t hide the agony when I get smacked on the shoulder, and I certainly can’t hide the pronounced limp I sometimes walk with.

My mindset has stayed the same, even as I’ve failed to find relief: Always try to keep a positive attitude. Almost every time I’m met with pity, I simply respond with “It is what it is.” To me, there’s no other way to cope with my issues because there’s no way to solve them. I know this sounds dire and pessimistic, but accepting this has allowed me to keep a much more upbeat and positive attitude about my pain. Not only is this mindset better for my mental health, but it also allows me to focus on schoolwork, extracurriculars and my social life. I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve been miserable about my pain, and those were dark times. Having this mindset has allowed me to be present. While my pain isn’t “out of sight, out of mind,” it’s easier to manage when it isn’t constantly on my mind.

I still have difficult days – days where the mental load is a lot to bear. Throughout the years, I have learned not only how to manage my pain, but to also improve my mentality. Things aren’t always easy, but I can say one thing for sure: I have risen above my pain and am living my life to the fullest in spite of it.