By Erica Erotica

A good friend recently related to me the ever-popular story about how girl meets boy. Girl meets boy; girl and boy talk about previous sex partners; boy finds out girl lied about her number; girl and boy fight.

Mind you, this girl’s number was six, but had told her boyfriend that it was two. A lie created a fight; it seemed simple enough. However, this girl’s reason for lying was that she didn’t want to be judged. Wait…why would there be any reason to judge a person’s sexual history? It’s not like we all carry a directory of all our sexual partners.

One friend told me about the “Hami whore,” a girl who practically slept with his entire fraternity. No one ever took her seriously and she was just “tossed around.” Another friend told me about being able to “conquer” one particular girl who was “hard to get.” His friends praised him and his actions apparently “inspired” them to do the same.

A girl friend remembered her first relationship in high school. Her ex-boyfriend had told her that he had three sexual partners before her, but it was not until after they broke up three years later did he confess that she was in fact his first. When she asked him why he would lie about it, he admitted that he felt pressured to have a number. To be at zero was like an anomaly; it was just not accepted.

So do guys just have a natural competitive streak where the higher the number the better? Can girls never enjoy sex without being judged? I wondered, on a campus already full of overwhelmed students, is it really necessary to calculate our numbers?

“I just don’t think about it,” one guy said. “Especially if it’s a casual relationship, the number didn’t matter.”

If one were to be in a personal relationship with someone, there needs to be a high level of trust; the number shouldn’t matter, another guy said. For these two, they would rather not know their partners’ numbers because it will lead to both of them having to confess theirs.

As with almost every topic I’ve delved into, the double standard popped into the conversations. If it were the number of the guy, the ladies said, it wouldn’t be an issue. If it were the number of the woman, well, the girl is just a “slut.” It was like wearing a coat, one of the women said. If the girls shared one coat, it would be taken care of. If guys shared one coat, it would be disgusting by the end.

As disturbing as that sounded, it was true. Many people have this mentality that women have to be whores to have a high number. It’s not socially acceptable for a woman to be as equally or more sexually aggressive than a guy. What do people expect us tow say: “Oh I’m sorry I have the same needs as you?”

“What does it matter to anyone?” another girl said. “You can have sex with one guy and do it many times, but you can have sex with five guys and only do it five times.” She continued by asserting that there is such a thing as too many, but it depends on the situation and the person. It’s no one else’s business, just as long as there’s honesty in the relationship.

One friend in particular stated that asking what number was too many is too hard a question to answer. In response to the story of girl meets boy, it’s not the amount that should be upsetting but the mere fact that the girl lied.

In fact, focusing all our energy on the statistics of our love lives takes our attention away from making the relationship work. Just as the story above shows, it’s better to be honest than to lie about one little number. As in any relationship, people are afraid of being judged. If you’re asking, then it seems you’re already judging.

“Just because you’ve had many sexual partners doesn’t mean it’s meaningless to you,” a good friend said. “It really depends on who you’re with. If you want to make it special, it will be.”