By By Michaela Papa, Columnist

On the list of questions I ask myself daily, among why there’s a secret bathroom on the first floor of Dempster, and why Hofstra cookies aren’t passed out for free at every Unispan, is why cheese is so damn good. While a lot of people enjoy cheese, I find there are few who love cheese. No. Really love cheese…to the point where it’s almost a problem?

Habitually joking about my addiction to cheese, my friend thought it would be funny to send me an article entitled “Addicted to Cheese? Here’s Why.” Turns out, not so funny. I may have a real problem. Apparently, cheese has traces of morphine. Researchers have known since 1980: would’ve been nice to know before I became a full-fledged addict.

In 1981 researchers at Wellcome Research Laboratories found traces of an extremely addictive opiate in cheese…morphine. It was found that morphine is in milk—both cow and humans. While this makes sense, as to further bond a mother and child, I’m not sure how I feel about playing the role of a calf.

There is a protein called casein in cheese. This protein is concentrated in cheese. When broken down into casomorphins upon digestion it has opiate effects. Frankly, I see little problem with cheese legitimately brightening your day. I’ll admit that few things make me happier than a nice slice of extra-sharp cheddar. Call me simple, but that’s my drug of choice. Perhaps, all too literally.

Due to the concentrated casein in cheese, the level of casomorphins is likewise concentrated. This allows for even greater pleasure to be derived from the consumption of cheese.

Neal Barnard, M.D. states, “since cheese is processed to express out all the liquid, it’s an incredibly concentrated source of casomorphins—you might call it dairy crack.” I saw no great surprise from finding out cheese is actually addictive…in fact, this article just validated my life a bit. Though that may be slightly sad, I find it pretty exciting. So, all you cheese whizzes, how does it feel to know you actually have a serious problem?

By serious, I may just mean that you are at high risk for heart disease. But hey, if you have a Gouda workout, have no fear. You’ll lead a very happy life, I’m sure. It’s said that the average American consumes about 33 pounds of cheese each year. Admittedly, that may be a little low for me. If you figure a brick of cheese is about a pound…

Jake Richardson, author of “Addicted to Cheese? Here’s Why,” says “but as many know, cutting back on cheese can be challenging because of the good feelings – the opiate effects of casomorphins – it produces.” The essentially euphoric feeling from eating cheese is natural, though the effects of cheese can be killer. As stated before, cheese is highly caloric and fattening.

It’s no secret Americans have a problem with weight. Though, I believe other countries to have better cheese. Think about it: Swiss cheese, Muenster Cheese, brie? Hell, who puts American cheese on a cheese platter?

The Americans—the ones with the obesity problem whose “unhealthy diets and lack of exercise may kill about 300,000 to 500,000 Americans each year.”

So, the moral of the story is to eat cheese responsibly. While some claim that in cutting out cheese entirely a subtle appreciation for flavor variation in other aspects of food is gained. I don’t know if I’m willing to make the sacrifice. The choice is up to you. Though, if nothing else, rest assured to know you’re not crazy: cheese really is the crack in the food pyramid.