Photo courtesy of Dale Young

CW: SCHOOL SHOOTINGS AND VIOLENCE

I found out about the Michigan State University shooting through a friend’s message at 2 a.m. on Valentine’s Day. It was a passing text from them, just a statement.

In the morning I went through the news as I scrolled through my emails. President Poser sent out an email at 10 a.m. discussing her thoughts and highlighting a gun violence summit held by the Maurice A. Deane School of Law and the Donald and Barbara Zucker School of Medicine. I shifted it to the back of my mind and prepared for class.

I stopped by the student center after to grab a bite to eat. Roses were being sold in the atrium, and the campus had a familiar buzz of energy whenever a social day was happening. I asked a few friends if they were thinking of swinging by the summit tomorrow; nobody had plans of going. I didn’t bring it up again; I didn’t want to be a downer on everyone’s excited mood.

The thought of the summit scratched the back of my head in a way unfinished ideas only can. It bugged me that everyone was hyperfixated on Valentine’s Day when something so tragic happened to a campus just like ours.it up again; I didn’t want to be a downer on everyone’s excited mood.

I woke up early on Wednesday morning and drove to campus. I found somewhere to park after a few minutes of searching and walked over to the University Club. Quietly slipping into a seat, I found one of my fellow writers next to me, along with a lot of doctors and lawyers. Although it made sense given which schools were hosting it, I was unnerved to see almost no undergraduates there. One came in a few minutes later and asked if I was also here for extra credit. I didn’t have a chance to reply, as the next set of speakers began. The students’ question bounced on the back of my head; in a sense of indignation, I suppose. All thoughts quieted when the summit began.

The gun violence summit lasted from 7:45 a.m. to 1 p.m. The sessions I sat in for focused on the gun industry’s marketing (discussed by the law school) and violence risk screening (discussed by the school of medicine). The material was enlightening yet disheartening at the same time; doctors and lawyers went over both misconceptions and how we approach gun violence. The Washington Post reported that gun violence research funding only kicked off in 2019, split between the National Institute of Health and the CDC. Each institution receives $12.5 million for gun violence research, even though the NIH receives over $45 billion in taxpayer dollars for research. That’s 0.027% of their funding. The issue seems to be, in part, how we discuss gun violence. 

Doctors pointed out that a better approach would be focusing on viewing gun violence as a public health crisis and referenced the U.S.’s immediate response to COVID-19, which the NIH received over $4.9 billion over for research. Part of gun violence is how we approach the conversation.

Wanting to also be part of my conversation, I raised my hand, full of righteousness, wanting to ask how I could bring this discussion to our undergraduate portion of campus. My train of thought started clearly, but my hands started wavering and I lost my train of thought halfway through. I got through my question and listened to the responses, focusing on having the conversation even through simple ways like fundraisers for families to create a sense of community. 

I walked out during the next panel switch a little dumbfounded that my body had lost its composure – something it never had done before. I went on to grab some lunch with friends after, yet I could not find the energy to participate at all. I didn’t realize how draining the conversation was and decided to just go home with my body working on autopilot.

It’s not that we don’t want to have conversations about gun violence, gun control or mental health. It’s just exhausting. 

When we think of campus, we want to think of mixers and Valentine’s Day and annoying assignments. We worked for years to get to college and having to question our safety wasn’t one of our goals. That being said: every time we push ourselves a little further to discuss gun violence and mental health, we get closer to making our campus a little safer. We don’t have to think about it alone.