Dating has always been a sensitive topic in my household. Any mention of a boy or showing some interest toward the opposite sex has led to stern staredowns and awkward conversations with my father. As a young girl, I had to act as if boys – whether they be acquaintances or best friends – did not exist, since even walking home from elementary school with a guy friend was frowned upon.
Most of the time, topics relating to sex were ignored, especially when I had hit puberty. I never got the supposed “birds and the bees” talk from either parent. As a young adolescent female, whenever I attempted to subtly bring up the topic of sexual health and activity out of curiosity, I was immediately accused of taking part in such actions and the topic was immediately shut down.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, a majority (55%) of males and females have had sexual intercourse by the age of 18. The UN Chronicle found that many girls become sexually active by the age of 15. This is mainly because questions such as “What type of person am I attracted to?” and “Who am I sexually?” are common thought processes in many young adults and teenagers. In my situation, I had to figure out how to even define sex.
At the time, I did not understand why my parents were unable to talk about dating, until my parents discovered I had a boyfriend. I had just turned 15 with little to no experience with sex when my father found out. He was livid and insinuated multiple times that I was having sex and on the verge of ruining my future by getting pregnant. None of this was true, for I was very careful in such matters. But, for my father, who comes from a traditional, conservative, old-fashioned Indo-Guyanese household, this was the first thought that came to his mind. His pure teenage daughter was ruined.
Because of these assumptions, I went through religious interventions and a full lockdown from any social life outside the family. My mother even took me to the side and asked me if I was willing to put the family at stake for a boy.
After this incident, I learned that I was not the only one that had to experience such a traumatic outrage from their parents concerning dating. Family, friends and fellow adolescent Indo-Guyanese girls have all been through some form of hardship with their family due to their choice to date. Many experienced an even more extreme reaction that led to public humiliation or disownment.
There was an underground grapevine of stories of these girls, traveling from family to family among fellow females, trying to stay informed of what could possibly happen if we even attempted to go down the same path. It was not just my family that had this mindset, but my entire culture. There is this mindset in the Indo-Guyanese community to preserve the hypothetical purity of young girls. Any public actions that put the girl’s purity at risk are seen as dishonorable and disgraceful to the family, for a girl should not be going out of her way to make her sexuality known.
Now, five years later, at 20 years old, I am still unable to talk to my parents about dating. It is truly an isolating feeling to go through such hardships over something as trivial in life. It separates you from the two people that are meant to be stand by your side forever: your parents.
Many of my friends throughout high school and college have doubted me or failed to understand how the situation is devastating for a young girl’s mental health, mostly because they can easily talk to their parents about their latest boyfriend. It is a suffocating, depressive mental and social state.
So, when your friend comes up to you about a similar situation, be empathetic and an emotionally supportive figure in their life. You may not be able to drastically change their situation or provide a safe haven, but you can listen and make sure that they know that they are not alone.
