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Recently, I’ve had to ask myself, “How do I define success? What does peace mean to me?”  When I first began trying to answer these questions, I gave broad, abstract answers. But this method didn’t leave me with a sense of clarity, so I got specific. 

There are internal battles I am constantly fighting, but instead of dealing with the struggle head-on, I sit in the emotion the struggle brought. For instance, if I procrastinate and feel unproductive, I sit in the feeling of failure rather than acknowledging that I was simply being lazy. Being a failure is not a state of being, but an identity; one that is completely false. Being lazy, however, is simply a place where I can improve by drawing strength from something bigger than myself. That can be a goal, a dream, an ambition or a higher power – It’s anything that is outside of oneself that gives purpose. 

Once I came to this realization and overcame my wallowing, success took on a new meaning. When I began seeing the shortcomings in my life as things I could work on, my goals also fell into the category of things I can work on.

For instance, I want to be a writer, a career where the opinions of others dictate my success. Instead of letting self-doubt cloud my mind, I began working toward perfecting my craft. I focused on what I could do, and let my effort be my success. Whether people will like my writing is out of my hands, but I personally take comfort in knowing that I am not helpless. I have hard work, a virtue, to hold on to.

Peace is waking up in the morning and welcoming the day with gratitude. It is being proud of the work I do and accepting the outcome. Peace is feeling the love around me, rather than feeling the faraway struggles that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t matter. 

Success, for me, is waking up right when my alarm goes off, yet not feeling shame when I need rest. It’s being honest when a white lie is convenient, and working out because I value my long-term health. Success is being joyful in the face of adversity and practicing patience. It’s being kind and gentle, even when the world is harsh, and always striving for goodness. It’s practicing self-control and being humbled by the effort this task requires. Success in my life is not striving for things, but being virtuous. 

There are two narratives we hear during quarantine regarding productivity: Do everything you can, and let yourself do nothing at all. From my experience, my advice to you is to not waste time being anxious about the person you want to be. Instead, take small steps to get there. There are so many things out of our control right now, but on the bright side, the peace that comes with discipline is ours to claim, whatever that may look like from person to person.