By Lauren Brookmeyer
That a boyfriend who constantly asks his girlfriend what she does and with whom is only being protective is a myth that needs to be shattered in order to raise domestic violence awareness among college students.
Although college campuses are common locations of such abuse, only three University students attended the FOCUS seminar, “Relationships and Dating Myths” on Oct. 20, where a spokesman discussed college as an environment for abusive relationships.
“One in four women will be a domestic violence victim in the U.S. during her lifetime,” said Marissa Grubman, a hotline worker for the Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence. While a lower-income, racial minority couple may be the stereotype for domestic violence relationships, Grubman said it is simply a myth.
The Coalition, a non-profit organization, provides victims with free services, including attorneys and housing for 90 days. After the three-month period, most people will have to leave, but the Coalition helps them find affordable housing in a safe location. It is dedicated to providing the only comprehensive services for victims of domestic violence and survivors of sexual assault in Nassau County.
Although Grubman could not disclose the location of the safe home, she said it is a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood and includes 15 bedrooms.
“I was thrown right into the lions and it was incredible,” Grubman said about her experiences with the Coalition. She described her job as a life changing experience, learning that abusive relationships are far more prevalent than she imagined. In 2005, the New York Police Department responded to over 14,000 domestic violence incidents.
“Domestic violence does not discriminate,” she said during the lecture. “There is no specific age, socio-economic status, race or educational background. And it is equally prevalent among same-sex relationships.”
A major problem college students face with regards to domestic violence is their frequent inability to recognize it, according to Grubman.
“We can tell when someone is punching us, but sexual, emotional and financial abuse is more difficult to recognize,” Grubman said.
Too often females fail to recognize their boyfriends checking their text messages and voice-mails, following them to classes and telling them who they can and cannot hang out with, as abusive behavior. These actions should immediately register as early signs for potential domestic violence, Grubman warned.
Many females also have a preconceived notion that they can make their abuser change.
“‘I’m going to fix him,’ that’s what a lot of our clients say,” Grubman said. But the abusers do not want to change, she added.
“People abuse because they can get away with it. It’s about power and control,” she added.
As a Coalition educator, Grubman encourages all victims of domestic violence to seek help. Not all victims of domestic violence and sexual assault are female. Abuse in gay relationships is by no means a rarity. However, men are not allowed in the Nassau County safe home because “it would not be emotionally safe for women.”
The Coalition does work with male victims of domestic violence and sexual assault to find them alternative housing and help.
The 24-hour Coalition crisis hotlines for domestic violence and sexual assault are (516) 542-0404 and (516) 222-2293, respectively.