By Anna Aphrodesia
There were no butterflies after my last date. I didn’t anxiously await the next time I would see him. In fact, I was even annoyed with the text messages that followed. My inbox overflowed with the “when can i see you” and “dinner tonight?” and “let’s go to the movies” texts.
Now these weren’t raunchy and they certainly weren’t creepy. Some would even consider them sweet, but I felt suffocated. I would tell him I wouldn’t know my work schedule for a few days and he would continue incessantly with these texts. I wasn’t even in a relationship or even really dating this guy and he was trying to monopolize all my time. Needless to say, I told him I simply didn’t have time to see him.
When I told my friends about him, they thought he sounded like a great catch. Looking back, I probably overreacted about the texts, but something wasn’t right. I didn’t feel the rush or even the thrill that you experience when starting something new. Making plans with him felt like more of an obligation than something I genuinely wanted to do.
I hear friends write off different dates and hookup all the time because they were too needy or too distant, too fit or not in shape, socially awkward or a little too friendly with others. The list goes on, but it makes me wonder what exactly we are looking for. With the way we set our expectations I am surprised that we actually find people who meet them at all. Is it better to not have expectations at all? Is love easier for the cynics who set no standards? How can you be disappointed if you have no or low expectations?
When looking for a partner, there is a laundry list of qualifications that must be met. Dating can sometimes feel similar to the nerve-racking interview for your dream job. Maybe it’s a bit extreme, but if someone agrees to date you chances are you’ve already done something to impress them, just like when you score an interview for a job.
When prepping for a date, like an interview, keeping up appearances is key. Image is everything, or at least that’s what many believe. Gym memberships, tanning packages, manicures, pedicures and bikini waxes are only a few “necessary” expenses for some girls.
With all the money that people put into their appearance, I can only speculate that the payoff is less anxiety as you undress.
But, it’s not all about looks. You have to deliver. Being nice to look at is often not enough to get most people off. I once hooked up with a guy I found very attractive, but it turned into the most unsatisfying hookup I can recall. At one point he even read my mind and admitted embarrassment about his less than adequate performance. I was embarrassed for him as well.
In the long run, I think expectations are necessary. While some of us may set the standards a bit high, they also prevent us from making the same mistake twice or hooking up with a scum bag. The important thing to remember is to be flexible-take that as you will.