By Erica Erotica
Concerned that many Sex and the Suburbs columns seem only geared toward straight partners/couples, I thought it best to search for the gay perspective on sex. I approached the Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA), hoping we could have an open discussion. What then followed was both surprising and enlightening.
Immediately, concerns and frustrations were shared. One woman expressed the annoyance of constant inquiries on how lesbians have sex. Another was shocked by the same question asked by some idiot she had just met.
“It’s a glaring issue,” an openly gay guy said. “People think being gay is [just] sex, but it involves more than that.”
Everybody agreed. Society’s perception of sex, many said, is when your “genitalia” touch, when a penis enters the vagina. People assume that the sex the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community participates in is not “real” sex, yet are quick to partner sex and LGBT together.
There’s diversity in how every person, straight or LGBT, has sex, isn’t there? I mean, you’ve heard the countless stories of whether or not that girl lost all her virginity or whether giving oral is sex.
So if we-the na’ve straight people that we are-can’t even agree on our own definitions of sex, who are we to tell the LGBT crowd that there is only one way to do it?
Quite frankly I know straight couples who have anal sex, finger, eat out and just blow; but, does it mean they’re gay or is sex just who they are?
One person commented that many people ask out of curiosity, but some questions can be insulting or downright degrading. Such as asking why a lesbian should date a butch; why not just date a man since they already look alike? Seriously, how stupid can some people be?
Other frustrations come from within the LGBT community. I was told that the only way to meet partners was through other people because it’s such a small community and not everyone is open about his or her sexuality.
Several of the women denounced lesbian porn; it’s a complete fake, they said. Another guy said that guys need to learn that foreplay is important (I smiled at this). Yet others advised that “if you want the relationship, it’s better to wait [for the sex].” One woman proudly told us of a bet she had just made with a new lady in her life: 40 days of no sex.
Wait, doesn’t this sound familiar? No, not the movie. But as I listened more, I couldn’t help think of similar situations or concerns in my own life and my friends lives.
However, as I listened intently to all the stories they shared, my head was telling me that this conversation was not headed where I wanted it to be. I became worried that I wasn’t going to have the material I wanted for this column. I wanted to hear about the best positions, how creative two men can be, or the difficulties of two women PMSing.
Yeah, I know, what the hell was I thinking?
But then I heard one of the most (cliché, but) crucial things I was forgetting. A GSA member introduced the word spectrum, the variety of people there are. You can’t look at a person and think that because he/she is gay, he/she is the same as every other LGBT. Diversity is one of the greatest things of being an individual, not just being an LGBT person.
In fact, another person told me, there is no gay perspective, which was my original idea in mind as I walked into the GSA meeting room.
“Everyone is their own perspective,” he continued. “Everyone develops their own through experience.”
A woman piped in, “Everyone, gay or straight, has issues. Everyone fights like everybody else.”
So, I’ve been taught. Having sex has little to do with the gender of the person you choose, the position you favor, or the hole you prefer. Sex is, in its very essence, “exposing the vulnerable part of you [no matter who],” one man said. Now, that’s deep.