By Erica Erotica

There were no fireworks when I lost my virginity. Although it was to the man I dearly love, the perfect scene that was drilled into my head didn’t come true. It was somewhat awkward, and I did not know what I was doing. Reminiscing through my first few experiences, a question popped into mind: was it just me or did other people’s first times also lack the finesse we expected?

I talked with neighbors and dug through old friends’ tales about losing their virginity and general first-times with new partners. Many are simple, others stupid and some entertaining. Within the stories emerged interesting patterns.

Freshman year, I remember receiving a call from my best friend back home who could not figure out whether she lost her virginity or not. Apparently she and some strange 30-year-old (mind you, she was 18 at the time) at a bar “hit it off” and decided to sneak into a bathroom to have sex. She didn’t know whether he went in all the way or just partially.

An old neighbor recounted having to ask his pseudo-date whether they had sex and whether or not it was good. Upon nodding, she gave a smirk and commented to the fact that both were too drunk to really remember.

So what exactly is the point of having sex if you can’t remember how good it was, or even if you made your partner orgasm (a sign of your excellence, of course)?

Even though not everyone regretted their experience, they all wished that they could have told me more of what happened, or whether the deed really did happen.

Especially for my old friend, she always has said that a person she knew would have been better than some sleezy, 30-something guy. Oh, and a clean, comfortable bed. I mean, seriously, some bathroom stall in a bar? Gross much?

Another recurring topic was this impression that both males and females didn’t think they knew what they were doing. Am I all the way in? Where do I place my leg? Do I keep my hands to my side or touch my partner? Is this taking too long?

A freshman revealed that she lost her virginity to a guy who had more sexual experiences than she did. They had initially hung out as friends, but an opportunity presented itself when her parents were away.

My friend, Sam, described being so worried about messing up. Even after his first time, there were some “condom bloopers” and he wasn’t confident that he was “doing it right.”

It’s true. I didn’t know where my hands were supposed to be or whether my thighs were supposed to start aching after a while.

Like Sam, many people seem to have lacked confidence. Not only are you trying to have a good time, you are also trying to read what the person may or may not want.

It took me a few weeks before I was wholly confident to be on top of my boyfriend, but even more time to realize that if I spend more time thinking during sex, I’m not going to feel how enjoyable reverse cowgirl, for example, is. As a friend said, enjoy the ride and just go with the flow; talk is good. Faster? Slower? Just say so.

Of course, there are those expectations that just ruin it for everyone else. More than half of my interviewees said that their first time was not as momentous as they thought; some even shared their disappointment in the lack of sparks.

According to one woman, her entire life was spent exciting herself about sex. She remembers being told how “special” it is and the importance of waiting for the “right person.” The moment came and went, but her expectations just made the actual moment less precious than it actually was.

True, expectations can dampen any person’s reality. The night I lost my virginity is not going to end up in a book, but every experience after it is like a new one to learn and grow from. Whether you are planning to lose your virginity or to slide into home plate with the new cutie from class, sex is different for everybody.

One guy may like doggie style, but another may prefer to be traditional. Some women may be loud, while others may like to give orders. I learned that I’m not the only person who did not have that crucial moment where time stood still and everything was in place (or the right hole). You just have to live and learn. But then again, if sex was supposed to be as simple and uncomplicated as we want it to be, where the heck would the real excitement come from?