By By Martini Amour
It is with great pleasure that I welcome you all to the summer edition of Sex and the Suburbs. If you are new to campus and reading this for the first time, I am Martini Amour, The Chronicles favorite (and only) sex columnist. And to those who either love or hate me, don’t worry I only have one more year left. Preparing to enter my senior year, I have already proclaimed college the best four years of my life. However, there is a part of all of us that wishes we could get back into those freshman shoes.
Freshman year was all about mini-fridges, the best posters and hoping your roommate wasn’t a complete idiot. But since then, every September has been met with different expectations, disappointments and an overall new lookout on college, sex and relationships. I can remember back to 2002 when I was an emotional clean slate. There were no worries concerning ex-boyfriends, old crushes or former hook-ups, because I was 200 miles away from home. It’s funny how the years can change everything.
“After a break-up, certain streets, locations, even times of day are off-limits,” Carrie, from “Sex and the City” (aka my hero), said it best. “The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.”
Change the “city” to “campus” and welcome to our lives. Yes, I have emotions, and my slate is not clean. So how do I, along with the 15,000 people on campus, begin the romantic new year on a good foot? Whether you are a freshman or a senior, there are steps to take to ensure the best year ever. So raise your glasses, here’s to becoming an emotional freshman again, before we all became tainted by college romance.
For the incoming freshman, this is the guide to exploring your new found freedom and identity.
Rule # 1 – Forget the tool(s). You know, the guy or girl you have in mind at this moment who made last year miserable? Forget them, this is a new year. As far as exes are concerned, you broke up for a reason. Yes, they were a different person back in the day, but what are they now? A chump who you have probably wasted too many tears on. If you knew they were getting satisfaction from how much they still affect you, would you still be upset? Of course not because then you are letting that other person win. Congratulations runner-up. You may as well be the Boston Red Sox to the New York Yankees. You have not lost the war, only the battle. The only way to emotionally defeat that person, is to pick up the pieces, find strength and make improvements in your life.
Rule #2 – Hello social life. Take off the sweatpants, put your contacts in and do something with yourself. You are at the single most diverse and amazing romantic hot spot on earth, college. So ladies and gentlemen start your engines and look around you. The school’s population is 52 percent female and 48 percent male. Welcome to the University. MSN.com featured a study done by Sperling’s Best Places that named “America’s Best Cities for Dating 2003.” It rated Hempstead, N.Y. as the number five spot for young Americans to meet other young Americans.
“America’s largest township offers miles of beautiful coastline,” the study stated. “The famous Jones Beach is a great place to see concerts or sunbathe. Residents here spend much more of their income on dining out and other social activities than the average U.S. citizen. Hempstead is also a remarkably diverse city. There is an 82 percent probability that any two residents age 18 to 34 selected at random will be of different races or ethnicities.”
Remember, you now have a clean slate and the ability to do pretty much whatever you please. Do not spend 75 percent of your college years curled up in a ball, listening to Dashboard Confessional, crying over the person who broke your heart three years ago. Life is quite simply just too short. If they can pretend to be happy and move on, guess what? So should you.
Rule #3-Throw your expectations out the window. Let me clue you in on a little secret. Prince Charming will not come bearing Tiffany’s boxes at your door randomly one day next week. Nor will a Victoria’s Secret model come bearing a Ferrari, gentlemen. There are no deadlines when it comes to love. Do not focus on what should be and why you do not have it. Go with the flow and do not set yourself up for disappointment. That way, you’ll never be let down and you will always be surprised at the great things life has to offer. Those are the three cardinal rules to becoming emotional freshman again. Remember what you have been through already. Do not be naïve and dig yourself into those same holes you did last year. However, remember that no other person is worth making you pass up this amazing experience. This campus is a playing field, so go out and play.