By Martini Amour
Remember when we were younger? Our days were consumed by idolizing Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski and making sure we had sneakers that lit up every time we walked. All guys still wanted to be like Mike and we took our time growing up. Life was simple then. Hell, even dating was simple. To get a new love interest, you simply passed a note asking them to circle yes or no to your temporary infatuation. No one asked long term questions, and at the end of the day no one went home to cry over a heartbreak or to think of vindictive plans.
More importantly, in the sea of our youth, our parents knew who we were dating. Even if we didn’t make it a point to inform them, if they weren’t childhood friends with the parents of your boyfriend or girlfriend, they knew them from soccer games or school plays. The most effort involved in discovering who they were and what their family was about consisted of going to the elementary school chorus concert. But, as most things do, times change. And we are not the only ones who have, either. Most parents have become more curious about our love interests, for in most cases they have no idea who they’re entrusting their child with. That is, of course, if we chose to divulge to our parents that we’re seeing anyone at a given time. Better yet, inform them of the five people who have caught your intrigue at any given moment. This has escalated the pressure behind meeting the parents. While we are no longer young, we are also not at the point of meeting future in-laws either. So, as college students, we are stuck in the middle once again. How serious do you have to be to introduce your collegiate love interest to your parents?
I had never really thought about how complex this issue was. However, like most things, it became the topic of conversation recently with a number of different people. I still consider us a young group of people, whose minds change more often than their beverage selection on a Thursday night. With this said, I don’t believe that my parents consider meeting a guy something of severity. Lately, however, I have seen how freaked out it makes some people.
Twenty-one-year-old Shannon said, “Well, I personally think that it’s a big deal at any age because it’s very intimidating and you want to make a good first impression. You don’t want them to think that their son or daughter is going out with a delinquent.”
Not that I think it is a carefree situation in which everyone is at ease. It is indeed a stressful situation, however, I don’t think that it is anything that should make or break a relationship. Regardless, you should take into account the familial scenario, but don’t entirely assess one’s family or self on one dinner conversation.
Twenty-one-year-old Andrea said, “I think that if you go over there on some random day with your guy and your parents are there, it’s not necessarily “meeting the ‘rents.” But say you have been seeing each other for a few months and he asks to you to go to dinner with his parents, then that is a big deal because he is saying that you are important enough to meet the family and see his world outside of school.”
Perhaps the fact of the matter is that generations have built up this ideal situation of meeting your lover’s parents in a rigid dinner scenario. Try bringing them to your house to hang out and meeting them that way. It won’t only be more comfortable for the two of you, but it will provide a more natural and less contrived avenue for everyone to experience each other.
Regardless of the situation, some people, like myself, don’t see the big deal in meeting the parents.
Nineteen-year-old Joe says, “For me it definitely isn’t a big deal, because I actually use that to my advantage. The parents are able to see I have a really addicting personality, and they’ll like me first shot. 95 percent of the time.”
Twenty-year old Latasha agrees saying, “In this day and age it’s a completely over-rated thing. People bring a ton of people home all the time, and it doesn’t mean that they’re going to be around forever. Especially when you’re young, I don’t think that it should matter so much unless you bring it to the attention of your parents that this is the one.”
“I think it’s directly proportionate to how close you are with your family. I am extremely close with my family and they would accept people that I like. If I wasn’t close to my family, then I wouldn’t care about bringing men back to meet them. But, because I am close with them, I think about it first. It’s like my subconscious, telling me that I can’t bring him home unless I greatly approve of them. Love is blind. They bring things to your attention that you may no outwardly see,” says 22-year old Danielle.
One thing to keep in mind is that we do not live in Swingers, and there is never a good structured time frame in which it is best for your love interest to meet your family. This should alleviate the immense pressure, and you should work with your feelings. If you focus on picking out their exact outfit and spend the entire time being a ventriloquist, plotting their every word, then the situation will be uncomfortable. The reason it tends to be so awkward is because we make it that way. You’ve already gotten over the awkward part of the relationship, you’re dating. Just remember that, and don’t let outside people make the two of you uneasy, especially your parents. At the end of the day, they are just two people who know you very well.