By Martini Amour

I’ve spent a large majority of my adolescent to adult life being Oprah to all of my friends. For whatever reason, there was a point when I became the go-to girl for advice when it came to love and relationships and it snow-balled from there. It was for no reason really, I am no expert when it comes to anything.

Now, its not only my friends, but it seems that people I meet for five minutes on the subway feel compelled to tell me their entire sob stories in hopes that I will give them some love potion that makes it all better. So, every once in a while I sit back and ask myself why this is. Is it that people actually think that I care? While I would like to appear as cynical as I like to think I am, the bottom line is that I do care. I love listening to people and if my weaving together of eloquent comments can make them feel better about the circumstances in which they find themselves in, then that’s just fabulous.

Because, the fact of it all, is at the end of the day, we all have the same fears, hopes and questions when it comes to relationships and love. Love is hard. It doesn’t matter whom you’re loving or what you’re doing to get their love, it’s a generality.

The reason I am telling you this, is because time and time again, I am asked the same question. And gentlemen, while I usually use my thousand or so words to convince ladies that none of you will ever understand us, this week I am writing my column for all of you. Why do girls always go for the jerk? (We all know what I mean, I’m just trying to be somewhat politically correct to say the least). If I had $100 for every time I was asked this question, I’d be driving a Porsche around Rodeo Drive acting like Paris Hilton. Hell, I think it’s better off I don’t get paid for this. Regardless, I got to a point where I had been asked this question so many times, that I decided if every guy I know wonders this, then 98 percent of men must have had this cross their minds once or twice in their dating lives.

I find this to be a very common issue when it comes to men, because at one time or another, they’ve been on both ends of the spectrum in most cases. The times when they’ve been both the nice guy and the jerk. And, normally, when they decide to turn into the nice guy they wonder why it is that the girl doesn’t appreciate it. Well, that’s what I’m here for. Over and over I offer the same explanation, so here goes.

One of the largest faults that women have when it comes to dating, is that we tend to doubt things. And, as we all know, collegiate relationships are not comparable to Julia Roberts’ movies where the girls get entirely infatuated and swept off of their feet into some ridiculously amazing love affair. So, in turn, girls look for guys that they can change.

Subconsciously, it seems that if a woman can change that guy’s life in someway, she’s gotten to him. If she can inspire him, or motivate him, or make him care more about her than he cares about himself, than she’s done it. And perhaps, that’s just as much a showing of love than anything. It is a challenge, and at the end of the road, there is a result that she helped mold. With the nice guys, they have nothing to change, and you never truly know whether or not you have changed them for the better, or inevitably, at all.

Twenty-year -old Jodie said, “You go for the jerks, because that’s all there are. There aren’t guys who treat you like they do in the movies. The storybook ending that they always show with the guys who are beautiful and funny and treat you like gold don’t exist. So, if you’re looking for that, you’re going to settle. You take the good qualities with the bad.”

Then, of course, there’s the entire idea of the chase. We whine and complain that we hate mind games, and that we wish that guys would say exactly how they feel. However, the second they do, we complain that they’re coming on too strongly, and it’s overbearing. Most women are complicated, and it’s hard to generalize exactly what we are all thinking. However, one thing is certain, and that is that challenge is intriguing. As long as you are honest, you can create a chase without being a deliberate jerk.

When you work for something, you hold it to a higher standard, and often care more about it. Without the intrigue of a slight chase, women can’t be certain that you are exactly what they want. Make them know. This, however, does not mean that you should keep them hanging for three months, just use your common sense.

The point of telling you these things is not for you all to turn into massive jerks. The point is to assure you that you can show your not so perfect vulnerabilities, and not to come off as the most perfect man on the planet. Because, perhaps, it’s not that girls always go for the jerks, but they go for the ones who clearly have some faults.

We want men who are human, not who will make us feel insecure about our own faults. In the end, that’s what makes relationships work anyway, mutually being there to change each other for the better.

Twenty-year old University of Connecticut student Alissa put it best, “They need to date jerks to realize what they really want and need.”

It takes change to learn, and it takes having learned to change. So, while you think that you’re getting passed up on for the next jerk, she’s just preparing herself to be better for you.