By Billy Florio
“What good was Art Garfunkel anyway?” the proud anti-Garfunkelist leader yelled out. “Paul Simon wrote all the songs, played all the instruments-he was the talented one. All Garfunkel was good for was looking goofy!” This was nothing unusual, every anti-Garfunkelist society meeting started off this way. The proud leader stood up holding a new CD. “For the first time in America, The Paul Simon Songbook is being released. As we all know, this is an album recorded by Paul Simon in 1965 when he went to London after Simon & Garfunkel’s first failure Wednesday Morning, 3AM. And we all know who’s to blame for that.” “Garfunkel!” The crowd yelled out in response to their leader’s call. “Yes. Finally we can hear these songs the way they were meant to be: Just Simon and his acoustic guitar. None of that harmonizing garbage!”
Cheers roared from all but one. The leader’s happiness faded as he saw Mort Richter’s stone face. “Brother Richter, why are you not joyous like the rest of us?”
“Well,” Mort spoke. “I’m not sure the versions on here are better than the ones we know.” Silence came across the room. No one was sure what to do.
“Blasphemy!” one member yelled out. “Kill the Garfunkel lover!” another. “Brother Richter, how can you say that? Don’t you find Simon’s song breakdown to raw basics at least interesting? Don’t you think that “The Sound of Silence” has never sounded any darker?”
“Yes, I do, but I’m not sure if it’s better. Songs like “I Am A Rock,” “A Church Is Burning” and “Leaves That Are Green” are all amazing bare bones versions. But others, they just don’t thrill me.”
“It’s ok,” the leader assured everyone. “Go on, Mort.” “Well,” Mort continued, “As the album goes on, the songs sound more bland. It’s a good thing few go over three minutes, so they’re over before I hit the stop button. Simon’s Dylan impressions liven up things a bit with “He Was My Brother” and the humorous “A Simple Desultory Philippic,” but it doesn’t save trash like “A Most Peculiar Man.”
” The crowd was getting restless. They didn’t want to hear this heresy. “Brother Richter, it might be best for you to stop now.” “I’m sorry, I just like the versions with Garfunkel better.” “That’s it!” the leader yelled, “I’ve had enough! Put him on the rack!” “Both versions can live together,” were Mort’s last words, “the people must make the choice!”
