By Dave Coonan
When I first entered Hofstra as a freshman in 1999, I had a list of goals set up that I needed to accomplish by the time I graduated. Now, with graduation only a few short weeks away, I’ve pretty much accomplished everything I had intended to do by the time I left this place. It’s good to set goals and I’m no different, I need something to shoot for, or I feel that what I’m doing is useless.
So, at some point during my freshman year, probably when I should have been working on something school related (I got a D in philosophy my first semester here – from that point on, thinking was out), I instead wondered if college students walked to school like we did in high school. And, thus, my list began – at some point before I graduated, I would walk the six miles to school. I didn’t care when, but it needed to be done.
Enter my second senior year. Time was running out, so I picked a day in late November to make the journey. Twelve of my friends signed up to walk with me, but as luck would have it, that day was the first major snowstorm of the year. I may be crazy, but there’s something about the words “amputated” and “toes” that make me uneasy. So I postponed it. And 11 of my friends postponed it forever.
Finally, on Saturday, April 24, with nothing more than the essentials – $25, two bottles of water, a backpack, a cell phone, sunglasses, and my trusty sidekick Erin Hallahan (who, oddly enough, kept calling me “Mr. Frodo”) – I left my house in Malverne at 2:24 p.m. and began our perilous trek to the school we call “school.”
2:40 – Erin and I are engaged in a stimulating conversation about a dance we choreographed to Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” in an intoxicated stupor one night at a bar. The conversation shifts to Malverne’s only farm, and Erin’s desire to grow sod for a living.
2:45 – We laugh at the motorists on the Southern State parkway as we walk over the overpass that passes the passing lane of the over…ah, forget it.
2:46- I talk to birds. They don’t talk back.
2:48- We officially exit Malverne, and enter West Hempstead. Malverne is bigger than we thought. We’re so elated that we wave to an oncoming pedestrian. She waved back – with one finger.
2:50- I break into song about an Astroturf fence. Erin smacks me.
2:56- We stop for a breather at a park in West Hempstead. Apparently, at this park, the ice is thin, so we shouldn’t try to skate. It was close to 70. We also learn that feeding water fowl may cause them to starve, defecate, die, and reduce water quality in your local ponds.
3:05- We pass a synagogue just as the service was ending. There is a mad rush of 12 year old girls who almost smother us. They pace us for about a block, then Erin and I shake them free and make a run for it.
3:11- We stop for another breather and a water break between the “in” and “out” driveways of a strip mall. The girls we encountered before catch up to us, they say hi to Erin. They point and laugh at me.
3:15 – We pass the owner of a handbag shop sitting in front of his store in a lawn chair, listening to a baseball game on the radio and drinking what looked like his fifth beer. Business must be booming.
3:16- I walk past a huge hoe…a backhoe that is. Gotcha!
3:30- Slurpee break! Oh thank heaven… Blue Raspberry for Erin, Cherry for me. Erin has a blue mouth, I just look like I’m wearing lipstick. I still don’t know who had it worse.
3:37- I dance with death and a dump truck as I’m almost run over because the driver thought he was Mario Andretti and threw the truck in reverse at 8000 RPM’s with me standing behind it.
3:43- We can almost smell it… as we pass the Courtesy Hotel, we’re about halfway there. Erin wonders why the 20,000 square foot gym that adorns the parking lot is so small. I tell her it’s underground. She changes the subject.
3:47- We officially leave West Hempstead and enter Hempstead, the home of Hofstra University and lots of fast food. We couldn’t really see the “welcome to Hempstead” sign because the five cop cars parked outside the dry cleaners blocked our view.
3:59- We walked through the Home Depot parking lot, and pondered going in. But instead got distracted by Chuck E. Cheese, and decided to go over there instead. On our way across the parking lot, we were distracted by a sign that said shopping carts could not cross the magic yellow line that was painted on the asphalt. Ours worked fine. We wondered how far the carts could go. Then we headed over to Chuck E. Cheese.
4:02- Hmmm, two 22 year olds in a Chuck E. Cheese without any kids. We were getting dirty looks from outside the place, so we opted against it. But that pizza sure looked good.
4:03- Runaway cart! We find a cart on the sidewalk, far, far away from the magical yellow line. Myth busted.
4:05- The heart of Hempstead – Hempstead Tpke., and Franklin St. Almost there.
4:07- We pass a Taste of Honey. We think about going in, but Erin forgot her thong, and I hadn’t pole danced in a while, so we passed at the opportunity – though we could have used the money.
4:09- We take a break outside the Jamaican/Chinese restaurant. Yes, Jamaican/Chinese.
4:16- We just crossed over Clinton St. in Hempstead when my girlfriend drives past and honks on her way to work.
4:23- We’re at the junction of Peninsula Blvd. and Hempstead Tpke., one mile to go.
4:26- We pass Wings ‘n Things – officially the start of “Fried Chicken Mile.” There’s, like, five of them.
4:33- The Unispan is in full view as we pass McHebe’s and begin a walk we both know very, very well.
4:40- We touch Hofstra soil, two hours and 16 minutes after we left my house in Malverne. We successfully completed my last goal as a Hofstra student. Now I just have to find my car…I know it’s here somewhere…
SUCCESS! We made it in 2 hours and 16 minutes….in one piece!
This sign is a load of BS. We tested it. Our cart made it safely past the yellow line.
Slurpees were definitely a good decision. We needed the energy boost.