By Aaron Calvin

Being a music critic of any sort, amateur or otherwise, means not only reviewing the albums you feel are important, but sometimes reviewing albums that you’ve never even heard of. “The Infinite Definitive” by Unknown Component is one of those albums.

Let’s start with the obvious. That’s a pretty lofty claim, essentially stating that the album is authoritative to an incomprehensible extent. While it may be just that, the subject it’s authoritative on must be “how to write and record a pretty mediocre album.”

I could go through this track-by-track and tell you why each one is boring and uninspired, but I feel like works such as this really don’t stick in the mind like that. Albums like “Infinite” stick in the mind as a whole, gelatinous glob of boring.

The begin with, the music and lyrics are all written by the same person, a Mr. Keith Lynch. He obviously knows how to play the instruments on the album. But he obviously doesn’t quite know how to make arrangements that are very interesting. The drum, bass, and guitar mostly mixes around in the background, creating a pseudo-indie atmosphere. The most notable occurrence in the music, throughout the record, is the change in tempo.

This first layer of mediocrity lays the groundwork for something even more cringeworthy: Lynch’s voice. While there are many great artists with different or even abrasive vocals, Lynch shows off pipes that will make even the most open minded listener cringe. These could be forgiven, perhaps, if it were used with any inflection, any imitation of emotion, but, alas, there is none to be found.

If the song has boring music or weird vocals, all can be forgiven if the lyrics are interesting. Unfortunately, Unknown Component considers lyric writing to be a process of seeing how many rhyming words you can string together throughout a song.

So there you have it. You’ve probably never heard of Unknown Component, so I wouldn’t really advise changing that at all. “The Infinite Definitive” is an infinite cycle of dull.